Training Your Dating Muscles

By Ramon Johnson

“Keep your elbows in,” my boxing coach told me.  “But, my arms are more comfortable like this,” I sneered with a sweaty expression. He dropped his boxing pads in frustration, walked towards me and pushed my elbows into my chest.  He turned me away from the mirror and pointed to a small muscle in my back.  “See this muscle?” he asked.  It’s the smallest and weakest muscle in your shoulder and when your elbows are flared out, you engage it during your jab.”  He then pointed to a larger muscle just below my shoulder blade, “When you keep your elbows in, you engage this bigger muscle—which gives you more power.  More power means a better punch.”

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This seemingly simple boxing lesson can apply to the art of dating as well. It’s not uncommon for us gay men to let our weakest muscles—namely insecurity and passiveness—lead our dating experiences, which results in the least amount of impact and the least amount of success. It’s comfortable for us to create profiles, log off, wait for responses, then check back obsessively to see if we’ve caught anyone’s attention.  Meanwhile, resting in stasis is a larger, more powerful muscle called assertiveness, which enables us to actively seek men instead of waiting for them to find us.

The ring of dating can produce powerful possibilities (and surprise match ups) when you step out of your weak zone as a dating introvert and get into the knock out stance of a more sure and assertive dater.   At first, it may feel uncomfortable being an assertive online dater, but with a little practice you’ll gain the strength to use your strongest dating muscle to seek out men based on who you want instead of who simply wants you.

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Ramon Johnson

With over ten years experience in digital journalism and new media field, Ramon has dedicated his career to advance the equal representation of disadvantaged and underrepresented peoples.

Experience:

In 2008, Ramon was named ‘GLBT Person of the Year’ by GayAgenda and in 2009, Gay Life at About.com was selected as ‘Best Gay Lifestyle Blog’ by BestGayBlogs.com. Ramon was regular speaker at youth diversity organization Live Out Loud Reciprocity Foundation, and a youth mentor at The Ali Forney Center, an LGBT homeless youth service organization. He was named one of Clik Magazine’s 25 Most Influential Gay African-Americans in media for his contributions to the LGBT community and has been a guest gay lifestyle expert on Proper Television’s “TV Made Me Do It,” Q Television’s “On Q Live,” “The Derek and Romaine Show” on Sirius Satellite Radio and New York’s Power 105 morning radio show