Tips for the 40+ Parent

Tips for the 40+ Parent By Kate Medina

If you are a first time parent and you are over the age of forty, chances are you’re going to hear a lot of this:

Wow, you’re going to be really tired all of the time.

And this:

You sure are brave for starting so late. It would have been easier if you’d started when you were younger.

You will likely get a lot of this, too:

You shouldn’t (insert whatever you are doing) it that way, but you should do it (however the other parent thinks is best) way.

While the words might haunt you, don’t get discouraged. Gay Life After 40.com  knows you may not have the energy at forty that you had at twenty, but I’m guessing you probably do have a lot more patience, reliability, and, how shall we say it, common sense; and these three latter traits are much harder to overcome than a mid-day slump.

And raising kids is not always about how fast you can run or how high you can jump. It is also about how well you can keep your mental facilities about you when dealing with colic, busted lips, first dates and other major life changes.

You CAN be an active, happy and  energetic parent – both physically AND mentally – after you hit that 4-0 mark, and these four tips will keep you on track.  

1. Get – and stay – positive. Studies continually show the importance and positive effects meditation and positive thinking have on us, but sometimes we get stuck in the ‘this is hard/things aren’t fair’ mode. One way to dig yourself out of this hole: Follow the ‘broaden and build’ theory, theory, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1693418,  which shows positive thoughts feed on one another and, in turn, make it possible for you to have more positive thoughts in the future. How can you do this? Spend a few minutes each day in mindful meditation. It may sound new age-y, but research tells us that even a few minutes of meditation changes our brain waves and makes us calmer. So find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and breathe.
2. Don’t compare your family/situation/parenting to others. A big mistake of new parents is in comparing their children’s abilities to their friend’s children’s abilities. (Don’t believe me? Think about how often people tell you how soon their children rolled/walked/talked, or how well they slept/ate/did on a test – and then think about how that makes you feel when you were up all night with a colicky child!) Comparing your children and/or parenting styles to another’s is a surefire way to hit rock bottom. Research has shown that those who often compare their lives to another’s are not as happy as those who don’t. (Check out this article for more information – http://www.businessinsider.com/happiness-research-2013-4.) So let the comparisons go. Do this by surrounding yourself with positive people who don’t pit child against child or parenting style against parenting style. Be okay with the choices you make and with the development of your own children, and if you find yourself surrounded by parents who want to play the comparison game, move on.
3. Schedule breaks. One mistake many first time parents make, whether they are twenty or forty or beyond, is believing the kids have to be entertained 24/7. But when you constantly  go, go, go, your children will never learn how to rest, rest, rest, which is an equally important skill. To ensure this doesn’t happen, schedule down time each day. Take quiet time to read, watch a show together (or apart!) or, dare we say it, close your eyes for a quick twenty minute catnap. (Your body will thank you for it later – trust me!) Even when the kids are too old for an actual nap, they can still take time to rest, relax and recharge. (This means turn off the video games and television, as ‘screen time’ is stimulating for little ones.)
4. Exercise. We all know it has physical benefits, but exercise also boosts morale. Aside from running after your kids in the backyard each day, get out and get active on your own. Cycle, swim, run, walk, do yoga, kickbox – pick an activity and stick with it for thirty minutes at least five days each week. You may think exercise will make you more tired, but studies like this one http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness-programs-article/2742/ACEFit-workout-advice-and-exercise-tips/ conducted at University of Georgia show even moderate intensity exercise, like a twenty minute cycle, can boost your energy levels by 20 percent! Try fitting in your workout in the AM hours, before the kids wake, as those who do so are more likely to stick with it over the long haul.

So when your stress level rises and your energy levels plummet, pick a quiet spot (after a nice thirty minute jog around the block!), close your eyes and focus on the positive gifts parenthood has brought you. (But don’t feel guilty about taking a nap!) Keep on Aging Forward with Gay Life After 40.com!