You and Me and Baby Make Three! The Road to Adoption

You and Me and Baby Make Three! The Road to Adoption By Kate Medina

If becoming a parent has been tugging on your heart strings, and you’re considering expanding your family through the  road to adoption process, you aren’t alone: According to the 2012 census report, 110,000 children were being raised by same-sex couples.

This increase (up from just 65,000 children in 2002) is encouraging, and, as the numbers rise, the process for same-sex couples to adopt has become easier in many states.

While we still have a ways to go (come on, Mississippi!), if you are gay and hoping to increase the size of your family (while happily decreasing the amount of time you sleep!), these three tips will help you get you started on the road to adoption.

1. Be well-informed from the start of the process. Sounds simple, right? But adoption can be a tough battle for any family, even those who do not have to potentially fight through additional adoption obstacles and laws due to their sexual orientation. Before you get started:

• Know the adoption laws for LGBT individuals and couples for your state, as they vary from state to state (more on this later).
• Find others in same-sex relationships who have gone through the adoption process and listen to their advice, experiences and suggestions.
• Locate adoption agencies that work specifically with the gay community, as they will be more apt to know laws and procedures.
• Understand the difference between intercountry adoption and adoption within the United States, and know the benefits – and trials – of each.
• Make sure you have a strong support system to help you through the emotional ups and downs that might take place over the next year or two. (But always remember the end result – a beautiful family – will be worth it!)

      2. Know laws for same-sex adoption in the United States and outside.  Laws vary depending upon the state and country in which you and the child(ren) reside.

United States – While most states don’t have formal plans for adoption by an LGBT individual or couple, a few states do have laws restricting same-sex adoption. Certain states allow singles to adopt despite sexual orientation but may not allow adoption for those who are either unmarried or in a same-sex marriage. In most instances, the judge determines in each state whether gay adoption is legal.

According to galperlaw.com, the following states definitely allow a same-sex couple to jointly petition for adoption: Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, D.C., Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.

Intercountry Adoption – Adoption that takes place with a child residing outside of the United States, which includes permanently relocating the child to the United States to live, is known as intercountry adoption and can be more difficult legally due to the differences in laws from one country to the next. Some countries prohibit same-sex couples to adopt. one may  use different terms and may consider the adoption a guardianship rather than a permanent placement.

Intercountry adoption follows either the Hague Convention process or non-Hague process (more about that here – http://adoption.state.gov) depending upon which process the other country follows.

       3.  Connect with others. Even if you are in a loving relationship with the person of your dreams, the mental and emotional (not to mention financial) demands of the adoption process can be draining. Get support from others. This site –  http://www.nacac.org/parentgroups/parentgroups.html) – offers a list of parent groups for those who are in the process of adopting. Attend workshops and conferences that concentrate on adoption. Surround yourself with supportive people that can lend a hand – or an ear – as needed. And once baby arrives, continue reaching out to others. (Check out this site for support groups for gay parenting – http://www.gayparentmag.com/support-groups.)

Additional Resources

Information regarding intercountry adoption – http://adoption.state.gov/index.php

Resources for LGBT adoption – http://www.adoptionhelp.org/lgbtq-adoption –

International Adoption – http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/international-adoption

Great website with resources for LGBT families – http://www.adoptuskids.org/for-families/who-can-foster-and-adopt/adoption-laws-and-resources-for-lgbt-families

Information on Adopting – https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/parties.pdf

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Gay Life after 40.com realizes that our most basic instinct is not for survival  but for family/a sense of belonging . If one cannot create a family of your own based on various reasons ( financial, etc. ) , we can still be part of the human family. We absolutely love and appreciate our GLBT readers .

If you have not joined our tribe, please feel free to join now and receive our free weekly newsletter. Also, please leave comments. We value your opinion!