The Power of Touch

By William Smith

As I was driving in Chicago yesterday, my 29 year old friend, Marcello was massaging my neck. It felt so good. I did not ask him to do it. He just did. On occasion, he would stop and hold my right ( non steering wheel hand) , I thought how nice it is to have 2 men just sharing their platonic love for each other in a non sexual way . We always had a close bond and he is considered one of my closest friends. I have known him for 8 years .

I asked myself, why can’t gay and straight men do that more?

Is it because Marcello grew up in a different culture?

Or as an American culture, we have changed.

Even in middle school, I remember in history class seeing a World War 1 documentary. All the British soldiers were on a huge boat. They were holding hands and many were dancing with each other. I was amazed and so were my classmates. But I thought at an early age, what happened to our culture where it is considered now a taboo to show public signs of affection with just friends.

 

As a western civilization progressed at the turn of the century, touching has decreased and it is literally slowly killing us .   We become more isolated for the fear of social stigma and mistrust of physical pleasure.

Holding hands, rubbing their back or sitting close together used to be common place among men before the turn of the century.

We know how now  the importance of touching is to infants, studies have shown that a baby that isn’t held and touch do not grow and become stagnate and unhealthy very quickly. Newborns that are touched gain weight faster and have superior mental and motor skill development—an advantage they retain for months. Touching on the back and legs generally soothes babies while touching on the face, belly and feet tends to excite them. In the earliest stages of a child’s life, touch is a critical part of the establishment of a bond between parent and child. It is also the earliest form of parent-child communication.

Touching plays an important role throughout our lives in terms of our development, health and emotional well being and is critically important as we age.

Researchers at the University of Miami Touch Research Institute found that touch with moderate pressure stimulates a cranial nerve that slows the heart rate and lowers blood pressure. This produces a state that is relaxed but more attentive. Touch also reduces stress hormones and may enhance immune function

The lack of touch in men’s lives results in a higher likelihood of depression, alcoholism, mental and physical illness. In short, simply not touching is making men’s lives less healthy and more lonely.

Yet, culturally, gentle platonic touch after the turn of the century becomes as something we must suppress as boys.

Boys are encouraged to “shake it off” and “be tough” when they are hurt and to ” man up”. Parents don’t cuddle Boys after 5 years old.

As boys become adolescents, touching is still taboo but conquering a man or a female sexually  is something that is accepted in both gay and straight communities.

Men have not always been hands-off with each other, have a look at an amazing collection of historic photos compiled by Brett and Kate McKay for an article they titled: Bosom Buddies: A Photo History of Male Affection. It’s a remarkable look at male camaraderie as expressed though physical touch in photos dating back to the earliest days of photography.There are intimate touch even in work related photographs.

The McKays note in their article the following observation:

But at the turn of the 20th century, … Thinking of men as either “homosexual” or “heterosexual” became common. And this new category of identity was at the same time pathologized — decried by psychiatrists as a mental illness, by ministers as a perversion, and by politicians as something to be legislated against. As this new conception of homosexuality as a stigmatized and onerous identifier took root in American culture, men began to be much more careful to not send messages to other men, and to women, that they were gay. And this is the reason why, it is theorized, men have become less comfortable with showing affection towards each other over the last century.

Spend some time looking at these incredible images.  You’ll get a great sense of what has been lost to men.

With  being Gay more widely accepted and not stigmatized, maybe we will see a rebirth of touch in both gay and straight men across the broad spectrum.

We need to empower men to touch.  It will make you healthier mentally and physically!

______________________________________________________

Did You Know?

We do hold group and private life coaching at GLA40 for a small fee to help you over overcome obstacles that may  interfere with your ability to have a fulfilled  life.

To get serious results, one may need to make an investment in themselves for an  ultimate transformation.

Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

If you’re ready to age forward and begin your own transformation and your heart and soul are saying, “ Lets Do this!” ,  I hope you’ll take the leap with us and contact us at will@gaylifeafter40.com