Self-Esteem: The Saboteur (Part 4 of 5)

Self-Esteem: The Saboteur (Part 4 of 5) by Steven Reeder, ACC

There are four internal voices that affect self-esteem.   These four voices will talk to you constantly, helping you shape your reality. When not considered and managed consciously, they manage you unconsciously, and can keep you edgy, high-strung and oversensitive, taking all the events of our lives personally.

Often, these voices may have something important to tell us if we know how to interpret what they’re saying. Rather than blame the voices for our failings, we can employ these voices as our guides if we can respond to their messages rather than react out of habit. (This series is inspired by the work and concepts of author Caroline Myss.)

Another voice we all contend with in our head is the Saboteur. It sounds scary, as if someone is out to get us and sabotage our life’s work and happiness. However, often that someone turns out to be the one in the mirror. The voice of the Saboteur is integral to self-esteem because it can help us spot and face where we are interrupting our own progress, and thwarting opportunity.

The obvious question is: why would anyone choose to disempower their own growth? The fact of the matter is that sometimes we are as intimidated by success as we are by failure. What? I don’t think so! Think again. If you put your heart into every opportunity you were afforded, you would invite into your space abundant opportunities for change. Success can mean instant change, and also the work required to maintain success and pursue more. For someone who wants their life to be predictable and reliable and “safe”, this is daunting.

When presented with an opportunity, the fear of failure or overwhelming change can prompt a voice in our head to say, “I can’t, what if I fail?” and talk ourselves out of trying new things, or out of going for the big dream. We procrastinate. We make excuses. We might start a relationship, but indulge the fear of failure and pull the plug before we give it a chance. Maybe you’re in an unhealthy job or relationship that you want to leave, but the fear of stepping out is so great, you give up before even starting.   Maybe someone comes to you with a great idea, and ten reasons why it could be the best thing for you, and you reply with the TWENTY reasons why it won’t work.

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Maybe you sabotage your ability to move on by continuing to do things you don’t want to do, but think you HAVE to do. Maybe you’re obsessive with control, rejecting new ideas because “this is the way things have to be.”

When we come from a mindset of low self-esteem, everything you hear from the Saboteur takes root in the thoughts of, “I’m not good enough to… I’m not smart enough to … I’m not powerful enough to…” “I could never do that!” “That won’t make a difference.” These messages originate from the voice of the inner critic (see my previous article, Three Lenses That Distort Your Reality – and How To Bring Them Into Focus!). Like the inner critic, the underlying job of the Saboteurial voice is to point out the weakest links: not to shame you, but so that you can identify and strengthen them.

A key to addressing the voice Saboteur is recognizing that you’re taking its messages personally, and doing so is deliberate. The opportunities afforded you can be doorways into greater understandings about who you are, what you want, and how to reach it. People often ask for new opportunities by asking questions such as “What should I do with my life? What can I do about this? What’s really going on here?” Answers can come through inspiration, something you see on TV or read on the internet, in a crowded restaurant, or just about anywhere.

However, when the answer doesn’t look or sound like what we wanted or expected, we too quickly say, “That couldn’t be the answer! I don’t like those instructions.” and reject the gift of opportunity; all the while continuing to wonder why our prayers are never answered. In a conversation, someone speaks their mind and you cut them off: “I don’t want to hear another word!” If you carried out that thought, it might sound like, “…because if I do, I might have to consider seriously what you’re saying and see the situation differently, but my ego really doesn’t want to.”

Where the voice of the Saboteur is most helpful is finding the weakest link, giving insight to exactly WHAT to work on to fortify your strengths, or where you need practice. Instead of being frightened of what the Saboteur sees, we can turn the spotlight to the highlighted challenge. It gives us the opportunity to prepare for the challenge, consider all sides and go with confidence into inspired action, wherein the worst of our fears may not even materialize. It’s often easier than we think.

Taken literally, the Saboteur can also point out the places where you CAN be sabotaged from the outside, or highlight the mistakes that you’ve made over and over. When you see this, you learn to heed the warning, because it comes from a voice you can trust, rather than a voice that scares you. Remember that all of these voices (Saboteur, Inner Child, Victim) can be great allies when engaged consciously.

To speak to your Saboteur voice and tap its potential, ask yourself: When do I disregard my own creativity? How often do I say “I have to” or “I need to” instead of “I want to”? When have I downgraded my dreams and desires because of fear? What choice scares me the most?

When considering these questions, remember that it’s not any single specific choice that identifies sabotage. It’s only when you make choices motivated by fear, assuming you’ve made the “safe” choice. In such cases, do not be surprised if the universe conspires to relieve you of that assumption through some kind of chaos, putting you in the place of being a “victim.” Challenging your fear, even a little, helps you feel that you have a voice in your own decision making process. While it’s no guarantee that you’ll avoid chaos, it puts you at the cause of your life, instead of the effect.

Steven Reeder, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP

Two things in life strike him to the core:  rock and roll, and personal growth and development. Electric guitars move his outer body, while the pursuit of wisdom and discernment moves his inner body.He synthesizes aspects of theology, science, training and development to present practical, tangible material that is immediately applicable to life for instant impact. Steven combines his knowledge of the metaphysical and the practical to create a unique approach to helping you create your best life.  Steven is a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, owner of U Line Coaching, and is a featured contributor at GayLifeAfter40.com. For more information about  one-on-one or group coaching opportunities, please email to Steven@StevenReeder.com