Self-Esteem: The Prostitute (Part 5 of 5)

Self-Esteem: The Prostitute (Part 5 of 5) by Steven Reeder, ACC

There are four internal voices that affect self-esteem.   These four voices will talk to you constantly, shaping your reality. When not considered and managed consciously, they manage you unconsciously, and can keep you edgy, high-strung and oversensitive, taking all the events of your life personally.

Often, these voices may have something important to tell us if we know how to interpret what they’re saying. Rather than blame the voices for our failings, we can employ these voices as our guides if we can respond to their messages rather than react out of habit. (This series is inspired by the work and concepts of author Caroline Myss.)

The fourth voice to look at is the Prostitute. This one was a tough sell to my editor. “The Prostitute? How can I print that?” I contend it’s not nearly as dangerous to say “prostitute” as it is to say “always” or “never,” so I will say: Everyone always has a prostitute voice. There is never an exception.

When we hear this word, we first think of those ladies of the night but that is only a literal interpretation. A person of any gender can hear the inner voice of the Prostitute, because indeed we all have it. The inner voice of the Prostitute is that part of yourself that determines your value in this world. It is the voice that negotiates for what we think we need to feel safe in the world. It is integral to self-esteem because it can help us spot and face where we are selling ourselves: including selling ourselves short or selling ourselves out.

That’s ridiculous. I would never sell my body. Maybe that’s true from your perspective, but the voice of the Prostitute asks one question: what is your price? What part of yourself are you willing to negotiate for your physical well-being? Would you sell your time to a job that you don’t like just for a paycheck? Would you accept an offer from an employer that you don’t respect, and then feel like a victim by working for them? Would you stay in a relationship that doesn’t work, so that you can keep the roof over your head (giving your spouse or partner the job of taking care of you)? Will you stay with an abusive personal or business partner so that you can keep the social status that person gives you (and then blame that partner for victimizing you)?

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Have you ever disagreed with someone, but kept your mouth shut in order to keep the peace “at all costs” because you were afraid of being abandoned by that person (and becoming an orphan)? Is there a person in your life who drains your energy and keeps you weak, so that you don’t feel you have the strength to leave them (thereby self-sabotaging your growth)? Is there someone you feel withholds approval, so that you will “pay up” with attention or reward, because their approval is so valuable to you? Is there anyone in your life who might say that you do that to them? Author Caroline Myss reminds us, “There are just as many people beating pillows in therapy trying to get over having known you, as you are trying to get over them.”

The inner voice of the Prostitute is about any time we compromise our bodies, our minds, our morals or ethics for personal gain, whether that’s physical security or financial reward. It can also alert us to when we’ve sold ourselves short, and don’t ask for what we’re truly worth. We may settle for less than what we’re worth because we lack the confidence to ask for more. This scenario often coincides with having boundaries that are too porous or flexible, leading to feelings of victimization or acts of self-sabotage.

When you recognize these patterns in your life, you can access the Prostitute as an ally. This is the voice that will come to the table and declare what you will and will not compromise for your well-being. You can find your own voice, and say, “I cannot be bought.” You can learn to say “no” because you know your price, and you know if something worth giving your energy to a person or situation. Here’s an interesting fact: “no” is a complete sentence.

We are always negotiating as a matter of engaging with others. The key is being able to negotiate without feeling you are on the losing end of a bargain. When you are clear on your values and boundaries, you can say “yes” or “no” to opportunities from a place of confidence and self-assurance, instead of from a sense of obligation or defense. You can help another recognize their prostitute voice when they are compromising their integrity. By heeding the voice of your inner Prostitute as an ally, you can set boundaries and say, “I’ll negotiate this much, and no further.”

To speak to your Prostitute voice and tap its potential, review the questions above. Take note how all four voices (the Victim, Inner Child, Saboteur and Prostitute) weave together to form your self-image and self-esteem. Feel out how these inner voices trigger limiting beliefs from the past, interpretations that may or may not be the whole story, assumptions that may or may not come to pass, and even your inner critic. Talk to a trusted friend or family member for honest feedback about how you show up in your life. Talk to a professional coach (I can recommend a few), a support group, spiritual advisor, or even a healthcare professional or therapist if your personal circumstances warrant immediate attention. There are lots of people who can help, and many that you can reach out to confidentially.

Steven Reeder, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP

Two things in life strike him to the core:  rock and roll, and personal growth and development. Electric guitars move his outer body, while the pursuit of wisdom and discernment moves his inner body.He synthesizes aspects of theology, science, training and development to present practical, tangible material that is immediately applicable to life for instant impact. Steven combines his knowledge of the metaphysical and the practical to create a unique approach to helping you create your best life.  Steven is a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, owner of U Line Coaching, and is a featured contributor at GayLifeAfter40.com. For more information about The U Line, one-on-one or group coaching opportunities, please send email to http://stevenreeder.com/