Real People, Real Relationships- Danny & Jason

How We Met

We met online.

Meeting someone online is always hit or miss.  Before I (Jason) set up my profile on this particular site, I had researched all the gay dating sites. Some are more for hook-ups, some just casual dating, to find one that guys were actually looking for a serious relationship.

Our first date was October 27, 2012. We have pretty much been together ever since.

We were married in Washington D.C. On June 19, 2014.

Our Journeys

Danny

 I’m a California beach boy from San Diego. There was never a time when I didn’t know I was gay. I was brought up in a fairly strict household but still became sexually active at age 10.

By the time I joined the Army, I was really gay and so was everyone else evidently. The two biggest closets on the planet are the military and the clergy.

Had my first real relationship at 34. We stayed together for 15 years. When we parted we did so as friends.

I met Jason on a dating site and pretty much fell in love at first sight.

Jason

I was born and raised in North Mississippi. I knew from the age of 6 that I wasn’t like the other boys, so growing up in the rural Deep South in the 80’s and early 90’s was quite a challenge. I wasn’t exposed to much information about being gay.  As I got older, I would actually try to find out more by reading what I could find in the local libraries.  I didn’t have anyone who I could ask or talk to about it.  I remember one of the first books I read concerning gay men was Randy Shilts’  “And the Band Played On.” I think I was 18 when I met someone who was openly gay. While I was in school, I was constantly teased and picked on for being different.  I wasn’t into sports, hunting or fishing like the other boys.  Still I did my best to Ty and assimilate to the culture around me.  I married at 20 ( about 2 months shy of my 21st birthday).  I was married for 10 years (legally anyway, we separated shortly before our 9 anniversary.)  I have two children from my first marriage. My youngest (17), my husband and I are now raising.

Coming to terms with my sexuality and being able to accept and be comfortable with myself took 30 years.  I think that having been older when I did start coming out was an asset in some ways.  I was also lucky in the fact that I met and became friends with a lot of couples who had been together 10, 15, 20 even 30 years. I saw that it was possible to have that as a gay man.  That was encouraging. I knew that I wanted that type of relationship.  I’ve always tried to be up front about that with guys when I met them.  (A lot of guys were intimidated by that.). I will admit that I dated a lot. It became a journey of self acceptance and discovery.  From every relationship, I tried to learn something, be it good or bad and take that with me.  When Danny and I met, it was like there you are.  Where have you been?  In the few years that we have been together, we have gone through a home renovation, health challenges, and some legal challenges dealing with the custody of our son.  We became full time parents less than 3 weeks after getting married.  Three different generations of men living in the house has been a challenge.  We each have our distinct styles and viewpoints.  Our son is doing great in school and becoming a mature and decent young man.  Watching Danny evolve as a parent and grandparent despite his protests has been a wonderful experience.

What Have We Learned from Past Relationships  and How we are doing things differently now-—

Good relationships are a lot of work.  It’s a lot of give and take, not always about the me. You have to listen to your partner, not just what they say, but also what they show in their emotions.  Be intuitive and empathetic to each other.  At the same time, don’t lose sight of who you are as an individual.

Advice to other couples

If your in your early 20’s hold off.  It’s very easy to confuse love and hormonal lust.  We would give the same advice to hetero couples.  When you look at your partner, not as a lover, but as a best friend then it may be  a good time to think of marriage.  Oh and just because you argue occasionally doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.  Good relationships are a lot of work.  Take the time to listen to each other, not only with your ears but with your hearts.  Put in the 130 0/0 that it takes, and look out for each other. Have each other’s back.

What do you love the most about your relationship and your partner?

Danny — Simple, he lets me be me complete with all my quirks and imperfections.  I love our relationship because  we are comfortable with each other in a way I hadn’t felt before.  We don’t have to be with each other every moment. We are just like an old couple.

Jason — We let each other be who we are.  We might occasionally exasperate the other, but deep down we know that we are there for each other no matter what.

Our Goals

To finish raising our son and see him set on his path in life.  To live each day to the fullest and to be happy and enjoy each other and the time that we have together.