Why men need to stop comparing themselves, count their blessings, and be willing to be themselves.

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Not long ago, at a conference, I was hanging out with a group of men where we were discussing the challenges facing men in the 21st century. While many topics and personal issues among the group were raised, a common theme that seemed to resurface in the conversation was the need to aspire to perfection. Indeed, many guys spoke at length about the pressure that they felt both within themselves and the larger society to be a close to flawless as possible. Not surprisingly, in an society where men are encouraged to:

• be the top of their game as sexual Casanovas
• be financially in the periphery of the one percent
• be routinely winning father of the year awards
• demonstrate his unyielding commitment to humanitarian efforts
• and achieve nothing short of saving the world…

…and so on. As one can imagine, being inundated with such a constant level of stress can often result in a degree of physical, social, emotional and psychological issues. Rather than subscribing to highly unreasonable and largely unrealistic outcomes, more men need to focus on the following goals.

Willingness to be yourself—The fact is that free will can be a great thing. All of us (admittedly some more than others) have the option to pursue the type of life we desire to live. We have the opportunity to choose how we treat and relate to others human beings. Intuition can be a very valuable guide. Rely on and trust instincts (which can often be correct) to guide us in choosing the types of relationships that can be most beneficial and suitable for us an individuals. While attempting to put on a facade and being someone you are not (a frequent challenge for men) may help you psychologically and perhaps even benefit you in your career, the results and advantages will be temporary at best. Being yourself will always be the surest path to happiness.

Be willing to reevaluate your relationships—Just because you Jim, Pete, and Reggie were inseparable in your 20s and early 30s means that you are compatible with one another more than two decades later. The fact is that a number of events have likely occurred that have altered your relationships—marriage, children, career, geographic distance etc… The fact is that like many things in life, friendships can change. The fact is that some people will be friends with one another from elementary school to the grave. God bless them! However, the cold, hard truth is that people can outgrow one another. Human beings are vulnerable to change. If the same energy and feelings you had toward your youthful buddies is now absent or has been replaced with anxiety or indifference now that you have reached middle age, it is probably time to cut ties and begin to establish relationships that are more conducive for you as you move into a new chapter of your life.

Stop comparing yourself to other men—This is always a common fault of human beings and men are particularly prone to doing so. The fact is we often only know what we see externally. Mike may be 6’2″, have a rock hard body, and killer six pack abs. Dean may be married to a former model. Reggie may have four super cute and well adjusted children. Brent may earn a mid six figure salary, have a mansion in the suburbs and all the trappings of the American dream. However, that does not mean that everything is perfect. Behind the scenes, things could be in turmoil. However, let’s say that in fact things are indeed going great for all these guys, that does not mean that you should be measuring yourself by their situation. The fact is that we all are going to have different life experiences. Focusing on what will ensure your success and happiness is a much better goal in the long run.

Disregard judgmental critics—The fact is that no one is going to please everybody. In fact, to paraphrase the saying, one sure path to failure is trying to please everybody. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated in one of his many landmark sermons that some people are not going to like you because of your hair or your height, or your skin color, or your accent etc… He was right on target. Truth be told, there are people with whom you are going to be damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You could cure cancer or world hunger and they still would find fault with the method in how you went about achieving such goals. In short, doing what is best for you a long as you are not hurting anyone else in the process, is the most effective way to go.

Open your eyes—Too many guys tend to look at things in terms of black and white. Their is often no middle ground. The fact is that life is often complex and filled with many unpredictable situations. Such experiences can break some people. On the contrary, they strengthen others. When confronted with a situation or crisis, it is important that you look at the problem from a critical perspective as opposed to an “either this or that” perspective. This is also the case with personal relationships. More men need to make an effort to step outside traditionally acceptable (often draconian) boundaries and be willing to entertain new ideas. In short, you should strive to become a renaissance man.

Count your blessings—It is only natural that we tend to bemoan what we see as our inability to secure our desires or feeling that we have not quite achieved our goals. That being said, the odds are that despite whatever frustrations you currently enduring, life is still better for you than it is for a number of people who are blind, disabled, homeless, borderline destitute etc… It is for these reasons that you should count your blessings.

Move at a rhythm that is suitable for you—Over time, especially as we get older, we tend to become set in our ways and get to know ourselves better. Along with this acknowledgment, we also tend to have a better sense of what things can work in our favor or in opposition to us. This is true in regards to your health, emotions, finances and other facets of our being. Be true to yourself and develop a solid regiment and set of values that are ethical, pragmatic and will provide long term benefits for you.

Speaking for myself, now that I have reached the middle aged chapter of my life, my goal is to have a life that is one of good health, happiness, financial stability, solid, reliable relationships and a peace of mind. I will be doing everything possible in my effort to achieve these goals. In short, I intend to do what is best for me! Perhaps, you will attempt to follow a similar path as well. My advice is GO FOR IT!