Navigating Relationship Age Gaps

By Smart Gay Life

Among LGBT couples, it’s pretty common to see a significant relationship age gaps: according to a 2013 survey, LGBT respondents were both more likely to be attracted to people 10 years older than them, and more likely to attract partners more than ten years younger. There are many theories floating around for why this is the case, from the fact that LGBT people have a more limited pool of potential partners to the fact that some people come out later in life than others; whatever the reason, LGBT couples are much more likely to find themselves navigating an relationship age gaps.
#LGBT relationship survey showed significant likelihood of an attraction age gap. Click To Tweet
For some LGBT couples, an age gap can be a hurdle to a successful partnership, while others embrace the age gap and view it as a benefit. For couples who have learned to work with an relationship age gaps, there can be many positive aspects of a “May-December” romance, although there are also many societal expectations and perspectives that can cause strife within these relationships.

Benefitting From a Relationship Age Gap

There are many reasons an relationship age gaps might be more common for LGBT couples than straight couples, and many benefits for couples who don’t mind an age gap. Older LGBT people can feel more in touch with younger members of the LGBT community, while the younger person in such a relationship may be able to learn from the experiences and background of someone who has several years of experience in relationships:

• Excitement: For many people, having relationship age gaps can be exciting, whether it’s because a younger partner makes them more active and adventurous, or because having an older partner can shift their view of the world.
• Experience: A younger person can also benefit from an older partner’s experience, since an older partner is likely to have dealt with many of the same obstacles in their lifetime. Conversely, a younger LGBT person can introduce an older partner to events and opportunities in an LGBT community that’s much larger than the one they know.
• Stability: Generally, people become more emotionally and financially stable as they get older. This stability can have a very positive effect of a younger partner, especially one who is just starting out in their life and figuring out how to handle adulthood as a member of the LGBT community.

Since both younger and older LGBT people can benefit from an relationship age gaps, it’s not really all that surprising that we see so many couples embracing an age gap and the opportunities that go along with it.
Relationships with differences in age can offer benefits to those ok with gap. Click To Tweet

Dealing with Negatives of a Relationship Age Gap

Having a significant relationship age gaps can also present a couple with some unique obstacles, however. There can be moments of frustration and disconnect in any relationship, and age gaps can worsen these issues and add several other elements into the equation:

• Emotional maturity: One potential source of friction in a relationship with an age gap is differing levels of emotional maturity. Navigating an relationship age gaps can often mean dealing with very different expectations of each partner’s role and contributions, and cause arguments if one person is emotionally immature.
• Societal expectations: For many people, this is the biggest issue that comes along with an age gap in their relationships, and it seems like gay and bisexual men experience harsher judgment than lesbians or bisexual women: older men with younger partners are often viewed negatively or disparaged.
• Financial gaps: Even though financial stability can be a benefit in some cases, it can also cause strain, especially if one person in the relationship has more money and more power within the relationship. This dynamic can create both small disagreements (who pays for dinner) or huge issues down the line.

It’s worth noting that these issues don’t just exist in relationships with an age gap, however, and they can come up even if both partners are the same age. In relationships with a significant age gap, however, these issues can become much larger conflicts.
#LGBTrelationship success or failure is more about compatibility than age gaps. Click To Tweet

Why a Relationship Age Gap Might Not Matter

That old saying that “age is just a number”? It may not be quite that simple, but the success or failure of a relationship isn’t about age, but about compatibility. Plenty of couples who are the same age deal with issues related to financial imbalance or emotional maturity, and LGBT couples of any age have to successfully handle society’s expectations of what relationships should look like. Couples with an age gap may be subject to more scrutiny or experience these issues in different ways than couples of the same age. However, for many, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

We’d love to hear from you if you’re in a relationship with an age gap. How do you handle the issues that come along with an age gap?