My Fear is My Only Courage

                                                 My Fear is My Only Courage By William Smith

My Fear is My only Courage comes from lyrics from an old Bob Marley song called No Woman, No Cry. It actually means for me that courage is pushing yourself to do something that frightens you but you know you must act on it so you can transform yourself in the process and maybe others.  

I created this site a few months ago. To be honest with you,  I woke up in fear some nights for the first time in years. I never was this engaged in social media to this extent. What if some crazy person contacts me? How would I handle the confrontation? What if my former colleagues found out that I was gay from 20 years ago? What will they think?  I was always a  social but a very private person when it came to being gay. I hate to make excuses but Our generation was half in and half out in the closet in order to make our lives less complicated and to  avoid the fear of public ridicule and ostracism.  

I told myself that this is ridiculous to have these thoughts and fears at my age. I have been involved in committed , long-term gay relationships and have established myself quite well in my career. I found out that past childhood experiences can pop  up again  and  that it is natural to have these fears considering the history of our generation. I continued the project of creating this site. I was not going to let my fears cripple me and  retake over my freedom in life. Times are changing for the better but our generation  ( the 40+ tribe) still have challenges.  I  take great pride in being part of this Gay after 40 tribe. I am very humbled by all the participation from my readers.

Recently, I posted an article on my site  that brought a lot of attention titled, I’m afraid of being abused but I won’t hide any longer by Lindsey Peterson.

   It was about a courageous elderly lesbian in a nursing home who was afraid of being tormented by the same kids that tormented her when she was a young girl because she was different from them.

 I Am Afraid of Being Abused But I won’t Hide Any Longer

I had several readers on LINKED IN respond to that posting.

One reader from the UK actually emailed me, stating that the fear is very real in Europe.

He wrote. “As stated our age group are sadly forgotten & put  in homes with the same people who abused us when we fought for equality when we were 18. So another challenge. It’s akin to the German Jews being interned with the German Nazis”.

I dug deeper into this after corresponding with him  and found the EU’s largest LGBT 2013 hate crime and discrimination online survey ever conducted.  Over 93,000 LGBT people, aged 18 or above, from all across the EU and Croatia completed the online survey. 

It shows that many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender ( LGBT) people cannot be themselves in their daily lives.. Many hide their identity and live in isolation or even fear. Others experience discrimination, and even violence, when being themselves.

The survey was carried out by the European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights (FRA). The results underline the need to promote and protect fundamental rights for LGBT people so they too can live their lives with dignity.

Some of the difficulties many LGBT people face include:

• Schooling: 2 out of 3 LGBT respondents were hiding or disguising being LGBT at school. At least 60% personally experienced negative comments or conduct at school because they were LGBT while over 80% in every EU Member State recall negative comments or bullying of LGBT youth at school. Therefore, Member States need to ensure LGBT students feel safe at school as this is where negative LGBT experiences, societal prejudices and exclusion often begin. This could include LGBT awareness campaigns for teachers and pupils and policies against homophobic bullying.
• Work: 19% of respondents felt discriminated against at work or when looking for a job, despite legal protection under EU law. This underlines the need for EU-wide action to counter the many obstacles LGBT people face to their basic rights in their everyday life.
• Fear: 26% of LGBT people who answered the survey had been attacked or threatened with violence in the last five years. 66% of respondents across all EU Member States were scared of holding hands in public with a same-sex partner. For gay and bisexual men respondents it was about 75%. This shows that LGBT victims need recognition and protection EU-wide and nationally to counter harassment and hate crime that results in LGBT people living in fear. This could include police training and victim support services as well as laws against hate speech and hate crime.The survey also reveals that transgender people are the most affected among LGBT respondents to have personally felt discriminated against, particularly in employment and healthcare. About 30% said they were victims of violence or threats of violence more than three times in the year before the survey.High levels of under-reporting of instances of discrimination and hate crime were also detected. This is despite 56% of respondents being aware of laws against discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation or gender identity. Half of all victims of violence and harassment felt that the police would do nothing. This pattern is not unique to the LGBT group researched. FRA found such under-reporting also in other groups, for instance, among members of ethnic minorities (See FRA hate crime reports, 2012).

EU LGBT Survey results: at a glance, which breaks down the key findings with simple graphs.

After reading the survey and reflecting on this matter, I wanted to let you know that having fear  is a natural behavioral response. It is very natural to feel at times that one may be abused based on our past experiences. Even though we are in an age of gaining more acceptance of who we are as a group, it is with us. . We had a checkered past where many LGBT’s  could not have the freedom to be who they were.  There are still bad people out there who do not like or accept our lifestyle. They could do harm to us physically or mentally.  It is okay to feel it but just don’t  let it  cripple you. Exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.

I wanted this site to address real issues that are talked about but not really brought up in this kind of venue.  It is an amazing and exciting time for all of us. Our age has proven to all of us that we are a resilient, adaptable and an assertive bunch.   There are many in our tribe that support you and want you to be the best of who you are. This is a time for your second act in life.

As Victor Hugo once wrote. ‘Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it.” .

Keep on Aging Forward and masters those fears and be the change that you want to see. Do not accept abuse ! Contact the appropriate authorities if it occurs. Also, seek help and support from your locale LGBT Center.  You are not alone ! I hope you enjoyed this article,

Please Join our Tribe and Share Your Thoughts… I’d love to hear what you think about this issue. Let me know in the comments.

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Did You Know?

We do hold group and private life coaching at GLA40 for a small fee to help you over overcome obstacles that may  interfere with your ability to have a fulfilled  life.

To get serious results, one may need to make an investment in themselves for an  ultimate transformation.

Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

If you’re ready to age forward and begin your own transformation and your heart and soul are saying, “ Lets Do this!” ,  I hope you’ll take the leap with us and contact us at will@gaylifeafter40.com