Minister Jerry Troyer

Name: Jerry Troyer

Birth Place: San Diego

Occupation:  Staff minister at Om Center for Spiritual Living, Director of Relationship Development for Urban Street Angels (USA)

Can you tell us a little about your work?

The USA offers an 11-month housing and employment program for homeless transition-age youth, ages 18 to 25.  We currently have about 45 youth in our program.

What are the most pressing issues that face our community today?

For LGBTQ persons, over the age of 40, and especially over the age of 60, finding relationships and purpose.  (I’m writing my second book, “Coming Out (Again): Admitting, Accepting and Embracing Life After Sixty”)

I see that theme over and over again in our Facebook groups…What do you think that is so?

In Western society, and especially in the gay male community, we have been taught that younger and prettier is better.  We forget that everyone (if they are fortunate) gets older.  But then when we do, we believe we are somehow not as good, not as lovable, not as useful.  The truth is that (thankfully) there are many younger gay men attracted to older gay men.  But because life is lived from the inside out, we have to believe and feel that we are still attractive, still beautiful, still worthy of love.  There could also be the experience of “survivor guilt.”  Those of us still around who are over 60 made it through the AIDS crisis of the 1980s and ’90s.  How did we survive, when so many of our friends did not?

On a personal level, what kind of books do you like to read and why?

First, I like to read motivational and self-help books and second, I like to read “Harmless” crime drama and murder, like Janet Evanovich.
I like motivational and self-help because they help me keep moving forward, reminding of truths I hadn’t thought of or had forgotten.
 “Harmless” crime dramas and murders, and fiction in general–I get to make up in my “mind’s eye” what the characters and the scenes look like.  So it’s much more of an interactive experience to me than just watching a tv show

Who has been your biggest influence in writing?

Debbie Ford and Armistead Maupin

Who are they?

Debbie Ford, who passed away several years ago, was an amazing self-help writer.  She went from almost overdosing on the bathroom floor to becoming a best-selling author, speaker and coach, completely rebuilding her life, and encouraging countless others.  Armistead Maupin (“Tales of the City”)–I love and adore his books and creativity in describing gay life in San Francisco in the 1970’s and beyond.

Words that best describe you?

Compassionate, mischievous

When did you become out to friends and family?

When I was 22 years old, after being married to a woman for 3 years and having a son

So what changed after 3 years of marriage and having a son?

I finally got past my guilt and shame and realized that I could not be living a lie any longer.

Who has been the biggest influence in your life? 

 My husband, who passed away in 2018 after 33 years together.  In 2009 he fell into the use of crystal meth.  After using for about a year, he quit his job, went through outpatient treatment, got and stayed clean and sober, and completely rebuilt his life.  He was/is my hero.

I would give anything to meet…

Armistead Maupin  and Betty White

Why is that?

I’d love to talk with Armistead Maupin about his experiences of living through the AIDS crisis in San Francisco, and his ability to create the amazing stories and characters in “Tales of the City.”
I mentioned that I am a huge Golden Girls fan.  I’d love to talk with Betty White about how she has been able to just keep going and doing at her age; and her experience of playing two completely different characters–Sue Anne Niven in the Mary Tyler Moore Show, and Rose Nylund in Golden Girls.

Your idea of a perfect evening is?

A cozy fire in the fireplace with a glass of red wine and a cozy friend

The last book I read was ….

 “The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” by Frank Ostaseski

My favorite movies/plays are?

 Steel Magnolias, 9 to 5, Tootsie

Favorite quote?

“Nothing is too wonderful to happen; nothing is too good to be true.”

What’s your favorite place in the entire world?

London, England

Why London?

England–my husband and I visited London several times.  It’s just amazing to me to go shopping at Harrod’s, see a play at Piccadily Circus, and walk around the city.  I also got to meet Patricia Routledge (“Hyacinth” from “Keeping Up Appearances”) after a play there.

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Booked a first-class cabin and took a Cunard cruise ship from New York City to London.

wow, that’s exciting!

What odd talent do you have?

An odd talent?  Hmmm–two things, maybe.  I never was able to tie my shoes the regular way, so I do it using “rabbit ears”–making a circle (or rabbit ear) with the left lace, and one with the right lace, and somehow tying the two together.  OR–I am rabid “Golden Girls” fan–my best friend in Knoxville, TN and I trade quotes from the show many times each day.

What had been your biggest setback or failure in life and how did you overcome it? 

My husband (also Jerry) dying with me in the Houston airport in 2018 on the way home from a conference.  After allowing myself to grieve briefly, I reminded myself that my life is Not over.  I have lost 70 pounds and am working to create the next chapter.

If I could meet my younger self, I would tell him…

You don’t need to work to get other people to love you.  They either do or they don’t.  But you have to love yourself first.

?What are the biggest challenges you have as a gay man after 40? 

 Admitting that I am the age I am!  Finding purpose, reminding myself that life isn’t over until it’s over, and that (thankfully) there are a lot of younger men out there who are attracted to older men.  And if I don’t love, accept and approve of myself, no one else will.  Life is lived from the inside out.

What would you like to say to the Gay Life after 40 tribe? 

Get off the couch and out of the recliner.  The world needs your experience, wisdom, and talent.  Volunteer in your community and you might be surprised who you will meet. 

Where can our readers find you or know more about you?

On Facebook, Jerry Troyer. 

I also will be having a Facebook page coming out soon titled,
“Coming Out to Ourselves”

Also, my Website is coming soon!  Revjerrytroyer.com

My first book “Coming Out to Ourselves: Admitting, Accepting and Embracing Who We Truly Are” is available on Amazon right now.