Gay Men and The New Way Forward

 Author Raymond Rigoglioso is interviewed.

Ray, tell me about your new book, Gay Men and The New Way Forward.

This book explores the social roles that gay men play in the world and the ways that we contribute to the welfare and vitality of the human family. It takes an open-hearted look at gay men’s differences—beyond sexual orientation—and it considers how these differences benefit society. Organized around gay men’s 14 distinct gifts, the book makes the case that gay men are uniquely suited to help humanity solve its greatest challenges.

What inspired you to write it?

I founded the Gay Men of Wisdom project in 2012. Initially, Gay Men of Wisdom was intended to help my gay male life coaching clients appreciate the impact that they have on people around them. It quickly grew into a much larger inquiry. I became deeply curious about what gay men do in the world that is unique—what purpose we fill. I led dozens of discussion groups and programs about this question, drawing ideas from the gay spirituality literature and inviting men to consider how these ideas apply to them. To this mix, I added my own observations.

There are so many wonderful books that talk about how gay men’s special form of consciousness benefits the world, but the ideas in the literature can be overwhelming. I kept looking for a framework that summarized or synthesized gay men’s special gifts, which I could use to help men in my groups to truly see themselves. I couldn’t find this framework, so I decided that I needed to create it.

What makes gay men positioned to solve humanity’s greatest challenges?

There are so many reasons for this. Each of the 14 gifts has particular implications for the world. As I wrote the book, one gift kept standing apart as something that forms the foundation for nearly every other gift. I call it masculine-feminine intelligence.

Gay men embody the balance of masculine and feminine that the world needs to restore balance on the planet. We have exquisite access to both the feminine and masculine, and we can move in and out of each as the need arises. Society expects men to greet every situation with a very narrow range of expression. Gay men have the innate ability to employ masculine and feminine energies without giving this skill a second thought.

This natural intelligence has incredible utility. It enables us to innovate, lead, and create solutions to problems that elude typical top-down, hierarchical approaches. By fluidly embodying both masculine and feminine, gay men redefine what it means to be a man. We upend patriarchy. And patriarchy is at the root of so many of the world’s challenges.

Do all gay men possess all 14 gifts?

Not necessarily. Each gay man will possess a different constellation of these gifts. Some gay men will possess all of them, but certain gifts may be more prominent than others. Some gay men may only see some of these gifts reflected within them. And some others may not possess any of these gifts.

The book identifies traits that are characteristic of gay men as a group. It invites gay men to ask themselves which gifts pertain to them, and to what extent they embody these gifts. The book contains a self-assessment at the end to foster this self-discovery.

Are you suggesting that gay men are better than others?

Not at all. In patriarchy, we tend to assume that when two things are different, one is better and the other worse, one dominant and the other subordinate. This book seeks to understand the distinct contributions that gay men make to the human family. It asks, “What do we bring to the table that is unique and critical? Why does the human family need us?” This approach invites all groups to explore how they contribute to the welfare and vitality of society.

What are some of the books that inspired you?

Will Fellows’ book, A Passion to Preserve: Gay Men as Keepers of Culture, launched me on this journey. In it, he posits that sexual orientation is just way in which gay men are different—that there are a whole range of traits that distinguish us, and that these traits have important implications for humanity. Mark Thompson’s trilogy, Gay Spirit, Gay Soul, and Gay Body had tremendous influence on my thinking, as did Will Roscoe’s books, especially Changing Ones: Third and Fourth Genders in Native North America. Toby Johnson’s books Gay Spirituality and Gay Perspective both resonated and deepened my understanding of gay men’s roles, as did David Nimmons’ The Soul Beneath the Skin and Christian de la Huerta’s Coming Out Spiritually.

What impact do you hope this book has?

My dream is that “gay” becomes the shorthand not just for a different sexual orientation, but for a distinct social orientation. If I could have any ideal outcome, it would be that we as gay men innately understand our purpose and the social roles we play—that we honor these roles, and that the world reflects that back to us. This book is all about consciousness change—taking the New Gay Hero’s Journey, where we fully embrace our gifts and understand how we contribute to the evolution of consciousness.

How can my readers know more about you and where to purchase this fabulous book?