Activist Joel Duffrin
Name: Joel Duffrin
Birthplace: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Occupation: HIV/AIDS Prevention Specialist in Madison, Wisconsin
Words that best describe you? Compassionate, creative, social and humorous, I tend to laugh at myself a lot.
Who has been your biggest influence in your life?
The 2 people that influenced me the most would definitely be my mom and dad. Being the youngest of five brothers, my parents taught me the value of patience and understanding. They also taught me that “hand-me-downs” were not only a necessity, but gave me the appreciation for the things we had.
When did you become out to your friends and family?
I have 2 coming out stories. The first one: I was 22 years old and in my second year of employment as a Photographer on Cruise ship sailing the Caribbean. Working on a cruise ship so far from home gave me the opportunity to live my life as an openly gay man. When I came out on the ship, I did get some initial resistance from a few staff and crew members, but my close friends treated me just like everyone else. Having this experience gave me the strength to come out to my parents. My parents were very accepting and supportive, so much in fact that they took it upon themselves to inform the rest of the family, including my four older brothers. They told them, “This is the way Joel is; we will always love and accept him for who he is.”
My second coming out story happened at the age of 33, five years after I was diagnosed with HIV. After finding out my status, I wasn’t ready to accept the challenges ahead of me – to be secure with the truth of being HIV positive. I believe that the disclosure of one’s status with friends and family should only occur when someone is comfortable with their status, and have accepted the responsibilities that come with it. My process and understanding took me those five years.
Now I was ready to tell my parents, and again they were very loving and supportive. This time, however, I told my folks that it was my responsibility to tell the rest of my family, and I did just that. I truly am blessed to have this amazing family who has been there to love and support me through all these years.
I would give anything to meet…. Oh my, that’s a hard one. If I were to choose someone no longer with us, I would say Marilyn Monroe – what a life she had in the short time she was with us. I bet she would have some pretty amazing stories to tell.
Picking someone who is alive is even more difficult. If I must choose, it would have to be Bradley Cooper, Chris Pratt, Channing Tatum, Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal, preferably all together in a small steam room…wink-wink.
Your idea of a perfect evening is? Spending time with the man I love, cuddled on the couch with our 2 kitties, watching movies and eating homemade falafel.
The last book I read was….. That would definitely be a cook book. Did I mention I love to cook?
My favorite movies/Plays are? Lion King, Sordid Lives, The Dark Crystal, Avatar and Willow are some of my favorite movies of all time.
Nobody knows that I…. My biggest fear is I will be the last man standing, and that all my friends and family will go before me, leaving me all alone.
What had been your biggest setback or failure in life and how did you overcome it? My biggest setback was discovering my “self-worth” after getting the news of my HIV status. I felt very alone, ashamed and embarrassed. I thought, “How could I let this happen to me?” I am very proud to tell you that I have an amazing support system, including a special group of friends who helped me through this very difficult time. The best thing that these individuals could ever have done (and did do) for me was to love me, accept me and to show me that I am not alone – that I do have self-worth.
If I could meet my younger self, I would tell him…. Do not change a thing. Make the same choices, mistakes, and experience everything in the exact same way. I truly believe that our experiences, whether good or bad, make us who we are and the person I see in the mirror every morning and night is pretty awesome. Without following the paths we choose to, we would not be the strong gay men we are today. However, if I HAD to change one thing, I may warn myself about my 40th birthday in Mexico, to take it easy on the tequila.
What are the biggest challenges you have as a gay man after 40? My biggest challenge is retirement. 16 years ago, when I was told, “You’re HIV positive,” I didn’t think I would be alive today, much less have a need for a retirement plan. Now I’m finding its catch-up time.
What would you like to say to the Gay Life after 40 tribe? The best advice I ever got was…… Live, Love and Learn, but most of all, laugh…also, use protection and get tested regularly and know your results.
Where can our readers find you to know more about you? By email (joel.duffrin@yahoo.com) or on FaceBook.
