Indiana, Arkansas… So Many Options!

Indiana, Arkansas… So Many Options!

By Steven Reeder

If your social media feed looks anything like mine this week, you’re seeing lots of reactions to recent anti-gay legal measures passing in Indiana and Arkansas, and a particularly onerous bill being suggested in California. As mentioned in my previous article ( http://www.gaylifeafter40.com/seven-choices-always/) , there are seven responses available to you at any given time.

From that list, I try to connect with Choice #5: opportunity. A lot of people would ask, “How can you see opportunity in such heinous legislation?” It’s not always easy. Much of the commentary in social media around recent news is that of victim (Choice #1) and anger (Choice #2). Victim feelings come out as fear, worry, anxiety and hopelessness. Anger feelings come out as hate, disappointment, frustration and judgment.

Both of these choices are completely appropriate for the circumstance. If you’re gay and over 40, you’ve probably decades of experience feeling shut out, ridiculed, and demeaned. You’ve fought for your dignity, or kept yourself hidden to avoid persecution and physical danger. It’s no wonder the recent legislature would trigger the same or similar responses to any previous feelings of persecution.

I’m disgusted by the hubris of those who sponsor this type of legislation. I also know that victim consciousness gets me nowhere. Scrolling through social media, I think of that scene from Steel Magnolias where Shelby tells her mom, “I never worry because I always know you’re worried enough for both of us!” Fear and worry are the mental equivalent of spinning my wheels for no good reason.

Victim-consciousness is most likely to set in when you take something personally. Once when Oprah Winfrey was upset by a story in a tabloid, she called in a panic to her friend, Maya Angelou. Maya counseled her, “You’re not in it. People will try to peck to you death like a duck but you’re not in it.” You are more than someone else’s assessment of you. You are likely even more than your own assessment of yourself. When you can accept that as Truth with a Capital T, you will not take someone else’s slander toward you personally.

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As more anti-gay legislation comes from other states and regions, the traditional reactions of victimhood and anger will become draining to us. Chronic victim consciousness can lead to or exacerbate clinical depression. Chronic anger, while mobilizing, can lead to burn-out and exhaustion.

Here are more options available to anyone. Feel free to experience your own combination of feelings that work best for you, including victimization and anger.

• Choice #3 – Responsibility: It’s not surprising this would eventually come along. I take it upon myself to assess where I am being threatened and where I am not. I know that many businesses have aligned against this measure, and are using tools such as OpenForService.org to identify themselves as friendly to my patronage. Keeping to those options will at least reduce the likelihood of problematic encounters for me.
• Choice #4 – Compassion: I’m very sad for those who see LGBT folk as a threat to their way of life. Even if their thinking about us isn’t rational, it must be awful to feel so scared or threatened that they think passing such a law is the only way to fix this. I know from experience that it’s exhausting to be so scared, and I hope they can find the peace that their religion is currently not providing.
• Choice #5 – Opportunity: Hooray! Instead of persecutors hiding under hoods or in dark shadows, they are coming out from under their rocks to let their actions be seen and scrutinized. It makes recognizing them SO much easier, thus making our allies easier to recognize too!
• Choice #6 – Reconciliation: Just as I am more than the misconceptions those people make of me, I know inherently that they are also more than these actions they are taking on the surface. If they hate me and I hate them back, then we are no different from each other.

I’m leaving out Choice #7, which is that of pure and detached Observation. We could say all things in the material world, including winning and losing, are illusory. Ultimately this is true, yet it is not entirely practical, just as it is not practical to say a rhino is simply “matter in the universe” while it’s charging toward you. The place that Choice #7 is effective is in planning how to respond, being open to all possibilities.

There’s a time and place for everything. Now is the time for opportunity and progress. What role can you play?

Steven Reeder, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP

Two things in life strike him to the core:  rock and roll, and personal growth and development. Electric guitars move his outer body, while the pursuit of wisdom and discernment moves his inner body. He synthesizes aspects of theology, science, training and development to present practical, tangible material that is immediately applicable to life for instant impact. Steven combines his knowledge of the metaphysical and the practical to create a unique approach to helping you create your best life.  Steven is a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, owner of U Line Coaching, whose writing has featured by GayLifeAfter40.com and Metropolitan Community Church. For more information about one-on-one or group coaching opportunities please send email to Steven@StevenReeder.com