I Just Want To Be Liked!

By William Smith

I think a lot of people struggle with being more likeable including myself. Why do you think the Facebook like symbol is so popular. Recently, when I met some guys for the first time on a collaborative project  for a mutual friend of ours, I wondered will they like me?  They may like my blog or what they have heard about me but will they actually like me. It really got me thinking about the whole liking mindset.

The first thing for those of you who want to be more likable is you need to ask yourself why. Why do you want to be more likable?  It seems like an obvious question but it isn’t that simple. Really think about the answer.

We want to be likable because we will feel accepted. We will feel like we belong. We will feel loved or at least liked.

So why do we want to feel those things and are you not feeling those things now?

Some of this likeability focus stems from being different . We knew we were different early on as children and we know that being Gay was not the norm or even much accepted as part of our generation until recently. Also, mix a little ageism as well…and you start worrying more about being liked.  But besides that, let us go further by asking the question to yourself: are you liking yourself enough or are you wanting other people to do that job for you?

All of us suffer with it. We all suffer with wanting other people to do our job. If you would love me, if you would accept me, if you would take care of me, then I wouldn’t have to do any of that for myself.

I am not  saying that’s what you’re doing but I just want you to ask yourself, why do you want to be likable? Is it a feeling that you need?

The Big Question is:  Why are you relying on other people to create that feeling for you? Why can’t you do it yourself? You know when you rely on other people to create a feeling for you they always fail. It can be very disappointing. It can hurt.  The reason why it fails is because it’s impossible for people to create feelings for you. If they do, it is never lasting. They can’t like you enough to make up for you not liking yourself. They can’t demonstrate their like enough to make you feel belonging when you don’t feel belonging.. it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

Let’s say , for  example , that you were a fruit…an orange, You can be the juiciest, most beautiful orange, but there’s always going to be someone that doesn’t like oranges. We don’t blame the orange, right? If someone doesn’t like a orange we don’t say, “Ah, it’s the orange’s fault,” right? We actually don’t even blame the person. We don’t hold it against them that they don’t like oranges. It’s okay that they don’t like oranges. It doesn’t say anything about the oranges. It says something about you, what your preference is. He may just prefer apples.

Think about that for yourself. If someone doesn’t like you, maybe it doesn’t mean anything about you. Maybe you’re just not their flavor .  Maybe your too juicy or too tart. Maybe you’re just not their particular taste.  You know the orange doesn’t get upset because someone doesn’t like it, it just keeps being an orange. So why shouldn’t you do the same?  So, if someone doesn’t like you, what do you take it upon yourself to make it mean it is about you? Why create pain or emotional angst in your life. It just means that you’re not their preference….. And that’s okay. In the gay world and in the world in general there are many preferences. Preferences also can change as one gets older. One may like oranges but like a certain type of orange. There are nine different types of oranges — clementines, tangerines, honey tangerines, cara caras, tangelos, navels, juice oranges, blood oranges and Satsuma.

Give people permission not to like you.  You can’t change their preference anyway. If you try, you will usually fail.  It also  makes you feel more in control. You have permission. Recite to yourself that “I’m not everybody’s flavor and I am ok with that”. There’s a lot of people out there in the internet who don’t like me. I am totally fine with that. They don’t like Gay Life After 40.com because it isn’t too sexy, or the topics are not meaningful enough for their particular life or current life stage.   Even though, we spend a lot of time thinking about what our readers want, it really doesn’t bother us  when we get  unsubscribers because we get new subscribers daily that want to read our material. It’s okay if they don’t like oranges. We understand we are not for every gay person after 40. They like apples, it’s all good. There are plenty of people that like oranges.  We are just going to keep on being an orange.

Now I do believe that feedback is worth looking at and evaluating and exploring. Sure it is. I think awareness added to any situation is a good thing. I do not think you should change anything you don’t want to change in order to make people like you more because you lose yourself. Your not consistent anymore and people will get a mixed message or phoniness vibe.

If you start people pleasing everyone and going around and doing everything for them and showering them with gifts and taking care of them in any way just to be liked then your not coming from a genuine place. They’re not really liking you,  they’re liking this “pretend” version of you. There are newly married couples, that pretend to each other until after the wedding and then they wonder why they are thinking about divorcing after a short 2 years.

In short. you are going to go through your whole life, the more you show up in your life, the more you’re going to have people that don’t like you. The more you create experiences, make a contribution, put your self out there into the world, the more people are not going to like you. Your ability to be okay with that will determine how far you take yourself and how far you will grow as a person and be the best version of yourself for yourself.

Being likable is overrated. Liking other people is where the real secret is. Keep on Aging Forward!

One more thing! You may want to read an article that deals with comparing yourself to others, here is the link:

http://www.gaylifeafter40.com/dont-compare-davey-wavy/

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Did you know?

We do hold group and private life coaching at GLA40 for a small fee to help you over overcome obstacles that may  interfere with your ability to have a fulfilled  life.

To get serious results, one may need to make an investment in themselves for an  ultimate transformation.

Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

If you’re ready to age forward and begin your own transformation and your heart and soul are saying, “ Lets Do this!” ,  I hope you’ll take the leap with us and contact us at will@gaylifeafter40.com