What Happened to the Sex in the Relationship?

What Happened to the Sex in the Relationship? By Max Roberts

Being gay, one would think that we are always having sex, right? Sometimes as long term relationships develop after 3 or more years, it becomes increasingly difficult to talk so openly about sex as when the relationship first developed. It isn’t always a cheating situation. It sometimes is a symptom that he may not be satisfied with some other aspect of the relationship. Also, emotional and/or physiological reasons from stress from work , lack of time, medical issues, or aging can all play a part.

The first thing one must do to jumpstart a relationship again is to start touching your partner and kissing him again. Mindful touching has a real value. Touch can increase the intimacy and sense of connection.

After that, give him 5 -10 reasons why you love him. Show him how you feel about him. Tell him he is sexy.

While in the kitchen or while taking a long walk, talk to him about having little or no sex. This should not be done in the bedroom! The conversation should not happen just one time but multiple times. Do not blame him!  It is a personal thing and both of you  are in it together. Tell him that he seems much less interested in sex than he used to be and ask if your partner has noticed this as well . Do not tell him that it has been 9 months, 2 days and 2 hours since the last time you had sex with him. Put him at ease. Do not play the blame game.

Also, he may have been the more of the aggressor or dominant one in the beginning of the relationship, now you must play more of the dominant role. A true loving relationship is one of shared dominance. You must  pursue him now sexually .

Remember, it does take time to reflect on what you said and let him think about it. Again, talk about it several times in the next weeks or so.  Be open to his ideas. Be patient and listen.

In short, relationships are great but it is something that you have to work on continually. It is a work in progress. Again, it might not be a cheating issue, something  may have occurred. The plumbing may not be working right, confident issues, stress from work, and aging all can play a role.   If you truly want it, both parties need to work on it together. Seek relationship counseling , if both of you can’t resolve it together. Keep on aging forward together.