World Traveler/ Businessman-Sergio Mussini-Rocques
The Gay Life After 40 Spotlight was created for our readers to get a glimpse of the diversity and experiences of the Gay Life after 40 readership . If you know someone who you would like to nominate for the Gay Life After 40 spotlight , they must be 40 years old or above and must be a subscriber to our newsletter. Please email will@gaylifeafter40.com to nominate.
Name: Sergio Mussini-Rocques
Birth Place: Buenos Aires, Argentina (from a Swiss father and a French mother)
Occupation: Co-owner of an inbound tour operator based in South Africa but selling all African destinations. I have a business partner, a woman, also “family”.
Words that best describe you? Reliable, Honest, Faithful to the extreme to my own values. Compassionate. Very Curious. Understanding. Artistic. On the not “so bright side” I would say I am also a bit lazy, I get easily “impressed” for good or bad things which happens every day and affects my mood either positively or negatively. I can get “distracted” sometimes too…I can be perceived as eccentric by some. (But I don’t identify myself as so)
Who has been your biggest influence in your life? My French Grandfather: I was fascinated but that gentleman who never took of his tie (not even in summer) or wear anything but suits or smart trousers, tie and jackets. He did force us to speak in French only (Which I am very grateful now; I am nearly a French native speaker thanks to him). During after meals long arguments about WWII, he would stand equally and passionately defending Petain (The one who signed the armistice with Hitler) and General De Gaulle (The general who flew to London and became the “de facto” leader of the “Free France” and the Resistance against the German invader). My granddad was often criticized for this, apparent contradiction, but he always responded: “Petain, surrendering to Hitler saved Paris from total destruction and a further carnage of French civilians and soldiers. And De Gaulle saved the remaining of France and put up the country to keep contributing to the Allies effort in the war until the total Victory. Both did what they had to do for the best of the country” I didn’t understand that at the time very well, but I suppose that simple opinion from my grandfather, showed me the path to understand that things are always GREY and nothing is totally “white” or totally “black” and you have to be flexible, understanding, and non judgmental. Always starting to apply that rule to yourself first, and to everyone crossing your path in life. Those are a couple of reasons (among many others) why this Frenchman was so influential in my life.
When did you become out to friends and family?
For starters, I came out to myself quite late in life! …Although I wasn’t really dating girls; it took me until I was 26 or 27 to realize: “Hey! There is something not working here! You are not dating or having sex with women, neither with men”…….I started reading serious psychological stuff and started to think about this more and more, and I finally got out of the closet to “myself” first at that age….26 or 27. Then it took another 3 or 4 years to start coming out to the closet selectively with some friends first, then with some members of my family. By my 33th year birthday or so, I can say I was completely out to everybody, and everybody who would come into my life, in whichever circumstance, will know I was gay from my own lips. At the beginning, I sometimes “spitted” it out without even been asked!
I would give anything to meet… Former King Constantine II of Greece. When I was a kid, we lived in a block of flats, and the children upstairs, their parents were Greek. We used to go, my brother and me, to play with them a lot and I was fascinated by that photograph, which was at the entrance of their flat: King Constantine and His very young wife, Queen Anna Maria when they got married in 1964. He was so incredibly young and gorgeous (The King I mean) that I think, even without knowing the reason at the time, I was obviously very attracted to him. It was, I believe now that “fascination” for the picture of the King was my very early and first (I was 4 or 5 years old) sign of my homosexuality. I kept interested in him, in his life, in the history of his short reign (He lost the throne of Greece in 1974) all my life. Even until today. I would definitely like to meet him and ask him questions about the troubled history of Greece at the time. (I am a fanatic of History in general, and that is what I read the most). I don’t think if I ever get the possibility of being face to face with him that I would tell him this story though!
Your idea of a perfect evening is? I don’t think you can publish what my idea of a “perfect evening is”……J
The last book I read was …. One written by a British doctor on how to help you stop smoking. It was a very interesting and well written book. I did stop actually.
My favorite movies/plays are? This is a very tough question….I have SO many! In general I enjoy more European or non American movies. (e.g. “Jesus of Montreal” “Transpotting”, “In The Name Of the Father”, etc.)……but some of the “popular” Hollywood ones…..specially the good classics (e.g.“Breakfast at Tiffany’s”) or romantic ones, (e.g.“Notting Hill”, “Moulin Rouge”) some “dramas” (e.g.“Thelma and Louise”) are certainly welcome as well, but definitely NO VIOLENCE, ALIENS, CAR CRASHING ALL OVER THE PLACE OR BLOOD SPLASHING OR THINGS LIKE THAT PLEASE!!
Nobody knows that I …… pray to the Virgin Mary every night.
I don’t particularly think any religion, let alone Catholicism, (Although I was raised as a good Catholic boy) fits my spiritual needs, but I find very interesting from Catholicism that is the only branch of Christianity who puts a woman seating right in the “Board of Directors” and not simply as a “receptionist” like in the other protestant denominations. (Not to speak of Judaism or Islam where any woman is close to God in any way as Mary is for the Christians in General and Catholics in particular, not in my knowledge at least). I think spirituality is too tented of “masculinity” in the West and femininity is essential. Particularly in spiritual matters: Other cultures gave and give femininity a much “central” role in spirituality. Well, it is Mary who, for me, fills that gap in my culture.
What had been your biggest setback or failure in life and how did you overcome it? I don’t believe in FAILURE or SUCCESS. A situation which can be lived as a failure to my neighbor it may be a success for me and vice versa. Also, depend how you look at a certain situation and why you perceive or feel, first hand, as it is a “failure”. In fact, if you stop, and look closely and more thoughtfully to it, the “failure” may actually be, in all honesty, a huge “success”.
“Setback” I like it more: adversities or downfalls are more manageable than “FAILURES”, if you know what I mean….. My big adversity or setback then, was to move countries because of someone else. When that someone else was not there (the “someone else” was my ex, and he decided to break up the relationship) anymore, I found myself in a foreign country, in a foreign culture, with not many real friends around, no permanent job and not much money saved to go through the “storm”. I could have run back to safety to my primary circle of “security” which is family and old friends in Argentina. But I didn’t. I suppose now, looking back the reason was, at the very beginning, just a product of an overdeveloped dose of PRIDE (French pride? Ha-ha). I remember I told to myself: “I will not give this chap the pleasure of seeing me boarding a plane back crying and struggling to carry my suitcases”. That was pure imagination, of course, because I didn’t , I don’t know, and I will never know if he would have got pleasure or not out of seeing me in that situation. But the thought at the time filled me with “pride” and strength and I decided to in spite of everything. On my own. And I made it. I got better and better jobs, I got more and more friends, and started to “feel” the city I was living in, as “MY CITY”, “MY PLACE”. I am extremely proud about all that period of my life and the way I handled it.
If I could meet my younger self, I would tell him… GEEZ BOY!! Stop to be afraid!!! Stop WORRYING! Worrying will not solve the problem you are worrying about anyway! Stop trying to do EVERYTHING PERFECTLY. You are already perfect. And at the same time, Perfection doesn’t exist really. So: Relax. Try to enjoy life more…..And go to a psychologist! (Which I fortunately did at one point!)
What are the biggest challenges you have as a gay man after 40? ……
Err….. Trying to explain a youngster that, yes, indeed, you were alive, well, dancing under the spotlights in a club ABBA songs when ABBA was actually a bunch of youngsters in their peak of their career, (And NO!, “Mamma Mia” is NOT a modern Musical or movie only!) and see their expressions and listen to their “Ohhhhh really?” OR even more so when they hear there was no internet, mobile phones, gay rights or “What’s Ups” , “Netflix” , etc etc….hahaha….That is a real challenge to try to make them feel what life was back then in general.
Seriously now, I suppose I honestly don’t think my “challenges” are bigger or more difficult now than when I was 20. Rather the opposite.
The only thing I can think of is the idea that you have “less” time ahead and that is something I do particularly think about because I still have so many things to do and places to see in my pending section of my “wish list”. And even if I live until 99, (And I have the blessing of being in good shape physically and mentally) I know there will always be some place missed, some book left unread, some movie not seen, something not said…..So my challenge is to try to prioritize. But I suppose this feeling it is not necessarily gay or straight, bi or transsexual…..it is universal. That is my challenge.
What would you like to say to the Gay Life after 40 tribe?
I generally do not believe in the type of “one-size-fits-all” definition or answer. I think everybody is different, so I should give a “speech” to every single over 40 gay men according to what they are, what they think and where they do live, etc. I don’t know if I could take the role of Dr Phil and go and say > “Hey guys! You should do this or shouldn’t do that”. Said that, I suppose, if I can generalize a bit and say something which I particularly do not find very “original” but I think it applies for everybody: It is the fact that we cannot change the number of years that are printed in our IDs. Maybe it is also not very original to say the age is in our soul and minds rather than printed on our IDs….. So why bother about that number? But that is also why so many of us get trapped in bodies of OLD PEOPLE when we feel 24 inside! Hahaha *joke*
Where can our readers find you or know more about you?
I do have a personal FACEBOOK profile. My nick there is SERGIO VAN EYK (my favourite paintor! That is why I picked up that name). Otherwise, anyone can mail me at my private address which is > sergiomussini@yahoo.com or at my linkedin profile which is SERGIO MUSSINI. Other possibility is to send me a message through our professional facebook account AiAfrica Travel.
