The Trials and Tribulations of Gay Dating Over 40

By Guest Writer Marcello Rollando

I am in my fifties and I have been dating for the last 5 years. I recently found my life partner . I learned a lot from my journey. I wrote this article as a way of giving back to the community that I love. I was living a straight life for nearly 40 years.

There definitely is a learning curve to dating after 40.  My gay friends say that Gay dating is not like It used to be especially now that we are all older.

Sooner or later­ if you truly desire a relationship ­ you must jump in the dating pool and make it a big splash.

The dating pool has never been more interesting and challenging. There are more players than ever before. Why? Because of many guys recently like myself have come out in their 40’s and 50’s  and also due to longer life spans.   This contributes to more single Gay Men in their 50’s and above than at any other time .

Based on my experiences, I have found some truths about gay dating Over 40:

• Gay Men,  my age,  look older than I do—because I am in complete denial about how old I look. ( studies have  shown that we see ourselves 10-20 years younger than our real age)
• Gay Men , my age, are too old for booty calls. Personally when I was single, I was usually in bed by midnight and refused to meet a guy in that way.
• Gay men after 40 love going out to nice restaurants and snuggling at home near the fireplace.
• Gay men after 40  try to seem confident, even when they are not. Many have self-esteem issues based on being in a closed society most of their adult lives.
• Gay men in their  50s are looking for companionship and partners not into steady hookups. Many haven’t yet given up on the idea of finding a mid-life Prince Charming. They are happy and content, but sharing life and experiences with someone would add that missing piece.
• Gay men after 40 say they want to be with someone their own age, but some may leave you for a younger man if given the opportunity. It happens and it isn’t anything that you can do to stop it. It is not fair but realize that it is not your fault. Unfortunately, many straight men and gay men are alike regarding this issue and never get the big picture.

Tips about Gay Dating Over 40:

•  Put your best foot forward if you go online.

I hate to say it but there’s serious competition out there based on the numbers .  If you are going to date online,  spend time writing a great profile that captures  you in the best light.  It should be unique and fun! Get a friend’s opinion on the final draft.  And if you don’t have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post. Don’t have a photo with your ex erased or with a bunch of friends. Wear some decent clothes and clean up the background- No dirty dishes, clothes on the floor. toilet seat up , etc in the background. Comb your hair and trim those nose hairs! Keep your clothes on !

Here is, in my opinion,  a good example of a great pic. It is fun and classy:

• Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet .

•   Don’t settle but don’t be too damn picky!

If  you are  looking for Prince Charming , he will not come to your door with the glass slipper  if you are not out there finding him .  As I’ve gotten older, my ideal date was a person that was  kind, smart, emotionally intelligent.  thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than me or coffee.

You must make a list of the qualities you’d like to find in the people you want to date . What are the non-negotiables for you in a relationship?  If someone doesn’t measure up, don’t settle for less than what you want but look at guys of all shapes, sizes and colors. There are many good guys out there but too many people are too picky and there are great guys right in front of them that they have not ever considered.

• Lighten up: Look as Dating as a Journey instead of Dating

•  Get Real-Not everyone will Like you. Don’t take it personal. It is their loss!

I’ve also accepted that sometimes I would meet someone who just not that into me.

Clues that he isn’t that into you:

• He tells you he’s just not that into you.
• He tells you he isn’t ready to settle down into a relationship.
• Doesn’t give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
• He doesn’t call.
• He tells you maybe in the future…

So please do yourself a favor, Don’t keep on Calling Him!

• Protect yourself from scams when  possible & protect your privacy.

First, don’t share personal information, like your contact info ( Home address, personal email address, your work location)  until you’ve really gotten a comfort level with someone. .  If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn’t revealed. There are a lot of crazies out there. I could write a book!  lol.

See  Online Dating Scams: http://www.gaylifeafter40.com/online-dating-scams/

• When you’re ready to meet someone for the first time , meet them in a very public place–a  coffee-house is an ideal place.  It is my #1 choice!  Tell a friend where you are going and what time the mini date will be .

• Relax and have Fun!! Grow as an individual because its not just about dating , it is about Aging Forward!

I hope this article helped at least one person. I like this site and I feel great that I was able to participate in this way. It took me 5 years to find my life partner. Enjoy your journey if you are looking .   I wish all of you happiness and Keep on Aging Forward.

Other articles to read! :

 The Dating Game:    http://www.gaylifeafter40.com/the-dating-game/

Tips for Gay Dating:  http://www.gaylifeafter40.com/gay-dating-over-40/

______________________________________________________

We do hold group and private life coaching at GLA40 for a small fee to help you over overcome obstacles that may  interfere with your ability to have a fulfilled  life.

To get serious results, one may need to make an investment in themselves for an  ultimate transformation.

Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

If you’re ready to age forward and begin your own transformation and your heart and soul are saying, “ Lets Do this!” ,  I hope you’ll take the leap with us and contact us at will@gaylifeafter40.com