Dating Opportunities for Gay Men over 40

In a society driven by youth-oriented notions of attractiveness, middle-aged singles are often left feeling unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and date partners with potential relationship prospects. The problem is further compounded in the gay community where which the emphasis on youth and sex-appeal is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel like outsiders within gay circles. However the very fact that you are willing to make an effort is worthy of appreciation and once you know where to look, you are sure to find ample dating opportunities even if you are over forty.

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Adopt a positive attitude

Ageism, or discrimination against someone because of his age, is present in many different layers of society – whether at the workplace, recreational centers or even in social settings. So it is no surprise that it plagues singles in the gay dating world too. However you need to realize that this “over-the-hill” mentality is very damaging; it does not only leave you less confident to approach other singles but in general robs you of the opportunity to experience life. It is only when you get this fear out of your head that you can move forward to your cherished goals, take risks and make the most of what you have. Keep in mind that the very fact that you have come to terms and are proud of your sexuality is a big achievement and that life has much more to offer you yet.

Define your priorities

Now that you are confident enough to seek out love, the next step is to consider what you are looking for in a relationship. While being clear about one’s priorities is a good thing at any age, it becomes crucial once you are past middle age. This is because now you don’t have enough time to experiment or waste on incompatible partners. Also a young person is more able to withstand heartbreaks one after another where a series of bad relationships after forty is more likely to leave one hurt and unable to bounce back. So it is very important that you take the time to develop a clear image of who you are and what you want out of your life, including your dating life. Are you seeking a long term relationship or something more casual with no-strings-attached? In case of the former do you want a life partner in all the senses of the term or simply a companion to spend your retired life with? What does the rest of your life look like? What would your ideal partner be like and how would your relationship function? Your answers to such questions will help you define the kind of partner you want and thus help you look in the right places. On the other hand if you are confused about your desired partner, then your search will lack focus and purpose and in the end have a higher chance of failure.

Frequent the likely venues

Now that you have a fair idea about the partner you are looking for, it is time to make use of the appropriate dating opportunities. While picking up a date at a gay bar or a gay singles club may work for someone interested in a casual fling, if you are looking for a life partner then frequent places where you will be able to meet singles sharing your interests, values and purpose in life. These could range from political meetings to travel clubs and even spiritual centers. Then again if you simply wish to date someone interesting now and deal with relationship questions later, look for singles in places of mutual interest like a book-club, amateur dramatics society, wine-appreciation club or a gay soccer club. Pursuing common interests together is one of the most delightful ways of finding a partner to date.

Consider doing volunteer work

Signing up for volunteer work is one of the best ways to meet people with similar values and interests. If you have a cause that is close to your heart, look for ways which will enable you to volunteer your services – for instance if you are an animal lover, you could offer to work couple of days at your local animal shelter. Likewise you could volunteer at the gay advocacy center in your city or help with preparations of a neighborhood flower show. While none of these venues can guarantee a compatible gay partner, all these ways will open you up to meeting singles who share your values. And the best part is that while you are energizing your own social life, you will be doing a world of good to others as well.

Keep fit

One of the major sources of worry for over-forty gay singles is that they are no longer as attractive as the younger singles and thus have even lesser chances of getting a date. While a positive mental attitude is the ideal solution for this concern, at the same time you need to take care of yourself, both in mind and body. Work out regularly, whether on your own or at a gym. This will not only keep your body fit and toned but is good for your heart and other systems too. For the same reason adopt a healthy diet which is based on fresh fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains rather than on processed, high-fat foods. Equally importantly follow a healthy lifestyle by quitting smoking and keeping your alcohol intake within reasonable limits. Above all take care of your sexual health and if you haven’t got yourself tested for STDs, don’t wait any longer. While adopting a healthy lifestyle will not guarantee a date every Saturday evening, it is sure to go a long way in making your physically fit, confident and attractive – all plus points when you are out in the dating scene. And who knows as you work out in the gym or frequent the local organic foods store, you may come across someone you would like to go out with.

Come to terms with mid-life crisis

Every age group has unique set of challenges and developmental tasks to conquer before one can successfully move on to the next stage. In case of men crossing middle age, these include nurturing close relationships, career management, household maintenance as well as commitment to family and the community. However for gay men, many of these developmental tasks lie neglected because of their retreat to “the closet” and efforts in coping with the homophobic society in the past. So at this stage you may feel overwhelmed by the twin demands of your sexuality as well as mid-life crisis. The only way to cope with this is to face up to developmental tasks that still require mastery from earlier years and start working at them. For instance if you have just come out, accept that your interactions with potential gay partners will be marked with some of the nervous excitement of adolescence and it will be some time before you can achieve the equanimity and confidence that straight single men over forty take for granted when dating. Finally choose something that you can do well and that will give you a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Midlife crisis affects men most when they realize that half their lives are over and there is still so much that has not been achieved. In case of gay men this feeling is further compounded at the thought that so many years lie wasted behind and perhaps the lack of legacy in future. Find your calling and live it out so – this will not only solidify your identity but will help anchor you during your dating trials and in fact can be one of the top ways of meeting a compatible partner.