Cosmic Loneliness: A Man Won’t Cure The Loneliness

By Ramon Johnson

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston asks, “Did marriage end the cosmic loneliness of the unmated?”

The quick answer is no.  As is the theme of Hurston’s classic, any one person’s wholeness is affected by, but not fulfilled through, a relationship. Many of us are of the notion that finding a relationship will complete us.  However, despite what our math teacher taught, a half plus a half doesn’t always equal a whole.   It takes two complete people to produce the sum of a healthy partnership (or each person needs to be as complete as possible).

They say you must first love yourself before you can be loved or love another.  Part of loving yourself is being able to tolerate and enjoy spending time with yourself.  Entering into a relationship as a remedy for loneliness or any other need puts undo pressure on your partner and your relationship when it’s you that must actively work to resolve your needs.  The relationship may solve your immediate wants, but the issues surrounding your longings will only resurface until you resolve them.

Should we all be content living alone?  Of course not.  Companionship is a wonderful addition to our lives.  We’re human after all.  The ideal situation, however, is to allow companionship to compliment our lives and not become a substitute for what’s missing.

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Ramon Johnson

With over ten years experience in digital journalism and new media field, Ramon has dedicated his career to advance the equal representation of disadvantaged and underrepresented peoples.

Experience:

In 2008, Ramon was named ‘GLBT Person of the Year’ by GayAgenda and in 2009, Gay Life at About.com was selected as ‘Best Gay Lifestyle Blog’ by BestGayBlogs.com. Ramon was regular speaker at youth diversity organization Live Out Loud Reciprocity Foundation, and a youth mentor at The Ali Forney Center, an LGBT homeless youth service organization. He was named one of Clik Magazine’s 25 Most Influential Gay African-Americans in media for his contributions to the LGBT community and has been a guest gay lifestyle expert on Proper Television’s “TV Made Me Do It,” Q Television’s “On Q Live,” “The Derek and Romaine Show” on Sirius Satellite Radio and New York’s Power 105 morning radio show