Coping With Being The Third Wheel

By William Smith

I admit there are days when I would go out with some close friends that are coupled and feel like the third wheel .

It just so turns out that a lot of my friends have a significant other with them.

When it comes to my friends, 70 percent of them have a partner whether they are married or in a relationship, they are taken . In the last 6 years, I began to accept the fact that no matter where I was, I would always end up as that one person who comes to a get together alone.

I have been the third wheel on many occasions. One time I went to a dinner with two couples. They thought I would feel uncomfortable as the fifth wheel, but I wasn’t. I ordered the food and beer that I wanted. I even asked them questions about their lives together as a couple. I was showing that them being a couple wasn’t a problem with me whatsoever. I actually enjoyed their company and wanted to know more about them if they were willing to share with me. It also satisfies my curiosity about people and relationships in general.

It took some time for them to realize that, but eventually, they saw that I was comfortable with being the only single person in a room full of taken men . Some of my friends think that I have such a wonderful personality and relatively decent good looks that I need to be hitched with somebody. I just can’t be single!

Recently , I was with a small group of friends, they begin asking me what I do when I’m alone since I don’t have a partner. OMG…I laughed.  I shared my stories, and a lot of them sometimes wonder if I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something. There are a lot of things I do just like couples.

One night, I was drinking a bottle of red wine after working a long day and I was wearing nothing but boxers and roaming around my condo . I got to my bed after moving around and watched the movie “Good Fellas”” on my computer. When the movie got to the part where they were in an Italian restaurant,  I began to feel hungry and made a pizza. It was nearly 2:00am and I was drunk in my kitchen, half-naked, baking a large cheese and sausage pizza in my condo alone.

My peers interjected after I told that story. They told me that they couldn’t do that alone. At one point, they thought I was crazy.

I wondered why couldn’t you do that alone?

For me, I was happy about what I did that night. Sure,  it  would’ve been extra wonderful with someone else in the room, but I still treasure moments like that until the day I decide to date again and get involved in a relationship.

I think my conformity to the single life came from growing up in a neighborhood where most of the boys liked playing sports. I tried it but did not like it . To me, playing baseball was boring. I would have rather being singing or listening to music in my bedroom . My  parents were workaholics. They were rarely in the house. So I was alone most of my time with my dog, my cassette player, and constant library rented movies. In high school, I was involved in music and theater and did have a season of track and field ( I was a jock for a minute!).

Closeted for me was my best option until college and then the Aids scare just kept me at bay.

Over the years,  I  focused on my career before I ever got the idea of dating someone. I did finally start dating not until I was in my early thirties and had a 12 year relationships, a 2 year relationship and a 6 month relationship. I would not change it for  the world but you know what?  Right now,  I am happy and content being single and being the third wheel!

So for all the single people, enjoy it while you can. Don’t be jealous or embarrassed when you see two people together or alone in a room with other couples. Praise and celebrate with them, and keep the idea that it will happen to you as well if you so desire it to be. Furthermore, ask your coupled friends for help in finding you a date if you desire a relationship.

In the meantime, take yourself out to dinner, have a beer or two, and show how much you love yourself. Go the movies or rock concert. Take yourself to the locale club and get out there with friends or even strangers!  Order a dinner and eat out. Strut your stuff to the city and feel proud to be single. If you are content with the single life-like I am , that is great . If you are not, you know there is someone out there for you, but continue having fun until the day that happens. Some of my coupled friends have privately admitted that they admire me for being single and envy the freedom. Trust me, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Your self-esteem or self-worth shouldn’t depend on the validation of anyone but yourself. Where many singles go wrong during their search for a man is associating their relationship status to their sense of self-worth. Single is not synonymous with unsuitable and coupled doesn’t always mean content .

Wouldn’t it be worse if you just settled and were miserable?

Keep on Aging Forward!

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