Author of “I, Rob Graves”

My struggle with childhood trauma. homosexuality , and bipolar disorder.

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Name:   Robert P. Graves

Birth Place:  Buffalo, NY                  

Occupation:  Project Manager for a Health Care System.

What made you pursue writing ? 

Never could I have fathomed that I would embark on the profound endeavor of penning a book, baring the intricacies of my life’s journey for the world to peruse and pass judgment upon. Yet, a multitude of years ago, I found myself confronted with the disheartening assertion that individuals grappling with mental health challenges were mere idlers, lacking the fortitude to rise from their slumber and embrace the toils of employment. To compound this distressing sentiment, I was later informed, on that very same evening, that those mired in the throes of poverty willingly embraced destitution due to their supposed deficiency in work ethic.

Though I elected to maintain a semblance of tranquility during that gathering, for I was amidst diverse company, I discreetly implored the assemblage to steer the conversation toward a different path. However, it was precisely on that eventful night that I resolved to embark on the arduous task of chronicling my life’s story. My aim was to illuminate the fallacy that residing in destitution and grappling with any form of mental health affliction was a conscious choice made by those who endure such burdens.

Tell us about your most recent work ?

“I, Rob Graves” is a poignant personal account that sheds light on the perils of misdiagnosis and noncompliance in treatment. Set against the backdrop of the AIDS Epidemic in Buffalo, New York, it follows the life of myself as a gay man. With candid honesty, I navigate my journey of self-acceptance, defying overwhelming health challenges. I write about my therapy, conquering a sex addiction, managing depression and Bipolar Disorder, and finding balance with medication.

I reveal the crucial lessons of forgiveness and acceptance that ultimately led me to inner peace and triumph. By openly sharing my experiences, I hope that I am contributing to the movement to eradicate the stigma surrounding mental health and sexuality, dismantling harmful stereotypes.

The title of the book, is a metaphorical nod to my own battles during the AIDS Epidemic, reflects my resilience in defying the odds and escaping the clutches of a dangerous anonymous sex addiction. As a gay man, I faced tremendous challenges and indulged in risky behavior, yet emerged HIV negative, defying the harsh realities of that era.

I hope I offer guidance and solace to individuals grappling with similar issues in the LGBTQ+ community and beyond. I want to tell gay men that they are not alone and not defined by their challenges, and deserve love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Who has been your biggest influence in life?

 My Mother.

Words that best describe you?

Kind, Caring and Compassionate.

When did you become out to friends and family?

 When I was 18.  Chapter 8 of I, Rob Graves tells the tale of my coming out struggles.

I would give anything to meet…

 Oprah.           

Your idea of a perfect evening is?

My perfect evening would have great wine and great conversation over an amazing meal with my dearest friends.

The last book I read was ….

I Was Better Last Night by Harvey Fierstein.

My favorite movies/plays are?

Favorite Movie is Bridesmaids and my favorite play is Once by John Carney.

Nobody knows that I ……

There is nothing that I hide in my life.  I, Rob Graves tells every little detail of my life.  What is not in the book has been shared with friends or my therapist.

What’s your favorite place in the entire world?

Clearwater Beach Florida.  It is where I found the strength to write my book.

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Bought a 5-Bedroom house for me and my cat, Bacchus, while in a deep manic state before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

What odd talent do you have?

Not sure if this is a talent or not, but I have the ability to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously.

What had been your biggest setback or failure in life and how did you overcome it? 

Prior to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was fired from one job after 6 months for telling my supervisor to Fuck Off while in a manic rage.  After a few months of being angry at the world and blaming everyone else for being fired, I looked inward and held myself accountable for what happened.  I used my time of unemployment to reflect and heal, ultimately finding peace and a new job.

If I could meet my younger self, I would tell him…

Enjoy the ride and keep your seat belt securely fastened.  It’s one hell of a ride.

What would you like to say to the Gay Life after 40 tribe? 

 I express my heartfelt gratitude to all those valiant individuals who tirelessly battled to bring us to this present moment. It is through your unwavering efforts that I now stand capable of fearlessly unveiling the tapestry of my life’s narrative, unencumbered by the haunting specter of persecution. Let us firmly etch within our collective consciousness the arduous path we have traversed, and let our voices resound with the resonance of our stories, disseminated to receptive ears. For when we fail to retain the echoes of our past, we risk succumbing to the very repetition of history’s missteps, plunging ourselves into a perilous cycle once more.

Where can our readers find you or know more about you?

They can visit me on my website www.IRobGraves.com or you can always follow me on Facebook @RobertPGraves

How can they purchase your book?

They can purchase my book at any online retail outlet including Amazon, Barns and Nobel.  If you want to support a local independent bookstore, you can purchase my book locally at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo NY, or online at www.TLEAVESBOOKS.com .  IF you want to support a LGBTQ owned website, my book is also available at www.queerazon.com