Abandonment

Have you ever experienced the trauma of abandonment? the sensation of being ignored, either physically or emotionally.

I have on occasion. It can hurt your development as a full human being.

The feeling of not belonging can be a terrible feeling .

In fact, you might remember some of it from your early years.

Growing up as a queer youngster, you may have felt like you just did not fit in. Perhaps you were teased as a child for being different, even though you were not aware that you were gay.

Some of us might have come from dysfunctional homes without a father figure or, in the event that one existed, one who did not show signs of affection.

When you grew older as a young gay adult, the gay community you had assumed would accept you shocked you by telling you that you weren’t good looking enough, fit enough or even “gay” enough.

Some of us have probably experienced abrupt breakups in our adult relationships. Just when things were getting good, he found someone else.

Ghosting appears to be a common dating practice among single people these days.

As one ages, you will come to realize that you may practically come invisible inside the culture you inhabit. Gay culture as well as American culture focuses on the youth , though it has changed a bit.

These abandonment events might cause trauma if left untreated.

Fear of being abandoned is one of the potential long-term effects of abandonment trauma.

Negative behaviors, depression, sadness, anger, anxiety, or paranoia are manifestations of subconscious responses to abandonment.

Accepting love or vulnerability is difficult. It can be difficult to trust people.

Your personal development and full potential can be stunted.

According to Psych central, some possible signs and symptoms of trauma include:

• substance use disorder
• eating disorders
• self-harming behaviors and thoughts of suicide
• difficulty forming and maintaining stable relationships
• self-sabotage
• codependency
• fear of intimacy
• behaviors that may be interpreted as “needy”
• trauma denial

Here are some recommendations for people who might be going through this. Some of these have worked for me:

Join a support group that addresses difficulties related to abandonment.

Find a life coach, therapist, or other expert who can assist you with this specific problem.

Learn mindfulness practices to halt harmful behaviors so you can take control of them before they start.

Participate in volunteer work at a nonprofit where you’ll be able to make a difference in the lives of others and feel valued.

Keep your focus on the here and now rather than the past.

Become a member of some clubs that focus on activities you might like, such as biking, gardening, etc.

Move on after accepting the hurt of desertion. Acknowledge it and leave in its tracks.

Simply said, you are not by yourself. Many of us have had that experience. The difference is in how we handle it.

Let me know what you have done to help yourself with any abandonment issues?