11 Steps to Not Lose Yourself in a Gay Relationship

By Joseph Thorn

Are you in a gay relationship right now? Do you feel like you’re losing yourself in your current relationship? Or are you so persistent on that person that you have forgotten your own life? Are you thinking why the spark seems to be gone? If you feel all these, you may be losing yourself. And you have to deal with it.

We, at Gay Life After 40, want to provide you 11 steps to not lose yourself in your relationship. We want your relationship to last and for you to be happy.

Knowing how to not lose yourself in a relationship could be relatively hard from the start. After all, when you get into a relationship, the thing that comes into your mind is that you and your partner are now one, sharing one bedroom, sharing one house, etc. However, if you know that you are losing yourself in the process and it is becoming even more destructive, you need to start finding yourself again.

Below are the top eleven tips on how to not lose yourself and create a relationship that is more endearing and everlasting.

Keep Your Interest In Life

The very first thing that you have to do is ensure that you keep all your interest in life that you had or the activities you did before your partner arrived. If your partner doesn’t want to go hiking, it does not mean that you need to quit as well. Call your co-workers or your close friends and hang out every so often, it will provide him a reason to go out with his buddies. Many  believe that the answer to being in a rapport isn’t pursuing anything which their dearest love doesn’t. This is wrong. You must still have a life of friends that you had before the relationship. You need continuity in your life and to abruptly stop is to lose interest in your own individual life.

Communicate

Open or frequent communication with the partner is considered one of the things to consider if you do not want to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. Your partner will have your back always. Let him know about your feeling and he will surely understand that, because he loves you. Both of you are on a journey of discovery and both of you should communicate on where the relationship is going.

Prioritize Sex

When knowing “how not to lose yourself “in a relationship, sometimes you turn out to be aloof with your partner. You can even set off ignoring sex and the whole thing that sex has to give because your not introducing what you need in bed to your partner. Well, the answer to this is to give emphasis to sex and you must definitely prioritize sex. It is  being mutually compatible and both working towards each others’ satisfaction; suffice to say I am sure you wouldn’t appreciate the other party “faking it” or anything along those lines and would want them to be open and direct in terms of what they like and don’t like and then working towards something that leaves both of you happy overall. Simply put, if they’re happy then you may be, but it must be mutual and you should expect the same level of courtesy.  Your partner must be involved in assisting you to keep your own individuality so communicate your sexual needs .

Don’t Assume

You cannot assume that your partner is not feeling precisely similar way as yours. Your partner can be feeling like slipping away too, or your relationship is on sold footing and that is the reason why frequent communication must be on your mind. Always remember that you are in this as one and you must help one another.

Do Not Lose Yourself

Simply because you are in a relationship does not mean that you need to forget about the whole thing that you love. In a relationship, it is so easy to get over-involved with talking about bills, your relationship and ordinary things in life, however you also need to time to talk about your feelings, your day, yourself and your life as a whole. Your partner must also be capable to perform the same.

You must Love yourself first than any relationship is a plus but not a must.

Never Put Your Partner on a Pedestal

Your man is not perfect because nobody is perfect. The more you attempt to pressure him into that criterion, the more misunderstanding are going to take place and this can lead to the deterioration of the relationship. The main thing to keep in mind to not lose yourself while in a relationship is to become realistic; you have to be true to yourself and not to put your partner on a pedestal. It is not realistic. It is very hard to hold a person to that sort of perfection. He will make mistakes and you will have disappointments. . The disappointments could be huge because your putting him on a pedestal.  He is human. You should try to see each other as equals.

Don’t Ignore the Presence of Your Partner

In many relationships, it only seems to take place naturally wherein one partner takes advantage of his or her partner. You have to ensure that you’re showing how bless you are for coming into his life, if you do this no doubt he will also do the same thing. It’s a perfect means to keep the relationship strong as well as for you to stay your personality. Also, do not get stuck in roles, for example, where you do all the cooking and he does all the grocery shopping. Change it  up a little so both of you appreciate what both are giving to the relationship. It will not become stagnant.

Get Some Psychological Separation

It could be incredibly unhealthy, individually and for the relationship, to let you get lost in a relationship. If you believe that you may be losing yourself through this way, you must adjust your psychological state as possible as you can. A  shift of focus back to yourself for a while is what you need in order for you to cope. When we’re feeling stuck in pattern that is not working anymore or in some sort of  power struggle with your partner, we often don’t see our options anymore. We lose our ability to detach. This is when a psychological separation can be particularly useful.

It can be very empowering because if you lose your sense of righteousness while in a constant pattern of dis-agreement with your partner, you will gain some knowledge, clarity and insight  and a objective analysis in the process so the negativity will be negated.

Never let yourself get so much wrapped up in your position. You do not have to be responsible for each detail. Keep in mind that there’s a whole big world waiting for you out there, and your mind must often be about looking at things with  different perspectives.

Get Some Spatial Separation

Some of our readers have pointed out that they are with their partner 24/7 due to both being retired.  One reader commented that it has been difficult at times. He feels like he is suffocating because both of them are always together.It is human nature to end up feeling imprisoned by the sense of being permanently glued together and always having to rely on one another for a source of fulfillment in everyday life.  I suggest that if one is in that situation, both of you need to agree to carve a time where both of you will be independent from each other. For example, between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. each day, you will not be with your partner. That time will be for you only. I also would suggest carving out a certain space in the house where you can call it your own. Tell your partner that you love being with him or her but reassure them that this is not about wanting permanent space from your partner; it’s about allowing for “growth space” as you continue to share your lives and love together.

Assert Yourself

When you reach the stage wherein you and your partner tend to quarrel about small things, you may want to regain some point of view or perspective. It is essential not to let resentment develop.

You have to work on your communication with your partner, this is very important for a healthy relationship. You also need to make sure that you discuss things on a daily basis. And talking means discussing things without accusations and fighting, you only have to keep a comfort level. When you feel like you are losing yourself, you could find yourself again in and out of the context of the bond.

Prioritize Your Family and Friends

Your relationship must not be your whole life. Your partner is vital, your bond is essential as well; however you also need to remember that you have family and friends as well. Never lose track of your friends and family members, in spite of everything, they will be the one who will comfort for if something goes wrong.

Being in love and in a relationship is awesome. Nevertheless, you also need to know how not to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. These are only some of the best tips available on how to not lose yourself. You can also share this with your friends and family to have a good and healthy relationship as well.

If you have any more tips, please leave them in the comment section below. If you have not subscribe to our newsletter, please do so today and age forward!  

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Did You Know?

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Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

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