Fragile Relationships: Are you too Fragile to be in a Relationship?

Are you too Fragile to be in a Relationship?

By William Smith

Lets face it, all relationships are fragile to a certain extent but when your gay and 40 , it seems to be even more fragile. So fragile, that you will choose not to be in one or abandon one . There are three underlying reasons for fragile relationships.

1. You may feel you are inadequate to be in a relationship. Feeling that you’re not good enough to be in a partnered relationship , will keep you from being in one. Also, it will carry with you  throughout your life including other areas such as work, health etc. 

Dwelling on short comings will not help you move forward.  I always say and I read it all the time that you must love yourself before you can love another. Before you start dwelling on shortcomings, think of some positives around you and about yourself. Realize that all of us have shortcomings in life . Realize that you are not perfect and that it is ok . No one is perfect.  You will never reach perfection so stop trying!  Make it habit to think of positive aspects of your life. Write it down , if it will help. Don’t be so hard on yourself!  If you have made mistakes, forgive yourself from what happened from the past .  Own up to it , learn from it and move on . It is time now to live in the present.  Your not bound by the past any longer! It is time to move forward in life so you can develop a quality life and perhaps a quality relationship.

2.  Baggage that is still unresolved  from past relationships have jaded you .

It can be like a PTSD to an individual. You must work it out or get help to work it out. Feeling jaded is normal and I understand that you don’t want to get hurt again but do you want to be in a cave for the remainder of your life? Don’t you want to explore and get out of the dark cave where you may only see shadows of what could be?  You need to come out to the light and  realize that this person you like , probably is not the same as in prior relationships. Talk to your new partner or potential bf  about your prior relationship(s)  , and your frustrations so he will better understand you so you can build trust again in others . It’s too easy not to make an effort but wow when you do…it makes all the difference in the world! Communicating is what makes the difference and that is the cornerstone of developing a relationship.

3. Thinking that your relationship is a Reality Show.

Don’t play the “fragile” or  “misunderstood”  or ” victim” actor role  in the drama of life . It kills me that people post their relationship on Facebook or gossip in worthless conversations with friends and alike like it is a reality show. Leave the drama to the writers.  Don’t you deserve better? Talk through your relationship with each other. Listen to each other words. Don’t try to have a comeback or one-liner  in your head before he finishes but listen instead to what he is saying.  Throw away the script! Don’t build an audience, build  a life together! Want to have an interesting relationship? Stay in one long enough to find out.

4. Maybe, you just need some “Me” time.

Maybe you have been in some long term relationships from your early twenties and you haven’t spent any real time  to explore who you are. Pleasing your other half more than pleasing yourself or finding yourself has been your top priority. If you were a young gay man in the 70s and 80s , the only gay acceptance you may had was from your boyfriend. You moved in with him and developed a long term relationship. It may faded and now you are getting older and  you accept yourself as a gay man more than ever and  don’t give a damn what others think anymore. Your not afraid to be alone. You may have not regretted the relationships but you are ready to move on to new horizons. You must love yourself first than any relationship is a plus but not a must.

As we approach 40 and beyond, I realize that what truly is fragile is life.

Life is just flying now! lol My existence and your existence could end at any given moment. Check your life insurance policy rates and see if I am kidding . The odds are not in our favor. I am not trying to scare you but want you to pause for a moment.   We must take the time to really think of what we are doing with ourselves and with others.

Are we just “chilling” and not really working on our relationship and are complacent? Are we not even pursuing a relationship because it is just too much work and too much pain? Do you have a hard time talking with your loved one ( s )without being defensive or do you mentally check out when the going gets tough?  There is one common thread to all these questions and it something that you must do right away.

It is time to create bridges with people who are meaningful in your life. It is time to be engaged in life with each other. We can never reach perfection so stop trying to find that perfect person in yourself or in your relationship or in each other!  Explore the connections that you have in people.  Don’t take it lightly . Don’t waste it…cherish it.  It is  time to age forward!

What do you think? Are we becoming too fragile in life? What works for you in your relationship? Leave a comment and join the tribe!

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We do hold group and private life coaching at GLA40 for a small fee to help you over overcome obstacles that may  interfere with your ability to have a fulfilled  life.

To get serious results, one may need to make an investment in themselves for an  ultimate transformation.

Many of us at our age  are driven by a deep knowing that we were born for a certain reason. Maybe, you feel that your life is not totally fulfilled yet , and you have  decided that you don’t want to waste your time anymore. If not now, when will you actually lead a more fulfilling life or get help with a problem that you may have carried with you for over 20 years? But  your heart and soul must be invested in the process in order to be effective. If you’re not ready to take bold action, please wait until you are before hiring us..

If you’re ready to age forward and begin your own transformation and your heart and soul is saying, “I want to do this,” I hope you’ll take the leap with us and contact us at will@gaylifeafter40.com