Certainty ( 1 of 6 Human Needs)

I am sure you heard that there is a reason behind everything we do, whether it’s conscious or unconscious. We will be exploring the Six human needs and how it affects our relationships with each other as well as in life. Everyone has these 6 human needs. How one prioritizes the needs determines how they act.

If you’ve ever wondered what drives your daily life or wanted to change your path, I believe that this will be a great series to follow.

 Are you meeting those needs in a way which is empowering or in a way which is destructive?

For 6 weeks, we will explore the 6 Human Needs inspired by Tony Robbins

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Certainty -1 of 6 Human Needs

Certainty – A sense of security, safety and comfort in the world . Avoiding pain and gaining pleasure. The idea that you are going to know what will happen.

Certainty ( A Primal Need/Driver)

It drives most of our behavior unconsciously. It makes us want to remain safe . It thinks about survival or certainty of an outcome.

• Food, shelter and knowing you are going to survive
• Certainty is a knowing of what will happen next
• There is a part of our brain that says we have to be ‘safe’ and need to ‘survive’
•  Most people would rather be certain than be loved which is why a lot of people stay out of relationships (or stay in a bad one)
• The reason most people don’t take action is because they would have to give up their primary driver (certainty)
• Some people will stay in a job that they do not like or live in a town that they cannot stand than be uncertain of the future.
• Most people would rather be ‘certain’ than happy
• When you pursue certainty you rarely find it and no level of certainty is ‘enough’
• Take a moment to define what certainty means for you
• Ask yourself “How can I get my certainty without getting stuck?” e.g. put six months of expenses in the bank or develop skills where you know you can always make money

Everyone has a need for certainty. 80% of North America has certainty as one of the top two needs. The second need is significance.

The need for certainty is one of our basic survival needs. It is a search for security and comfort in the world around us. Routine and structure give us a lot of certainty. They give us a feeling that we know what is going to happen tomorrow. It is very healthy for our peace of mind.

If this need is not met, your brain will be directing you to do anything you can to meet this need. In life, our successes are partially determined by our ability to withstand not having certainty in a situation.

Different people use a lot of different methods to get certainty in their lives. Creating routines, planning ahead and being very organized are great ways to bring certainty.

 Positive  examples:

Cleaning and organizing – This is a healthy way to bring certainty into your life. This way you can make sure you find everything you need as quickly as possible.

Being in a relationship – Stable relationships are very good for creating certainty. Research has found that people in stable and long-term relationships are healthier, happier and live longer.

Establishing Routines can be good and can save you time . Going to the gym, for example, may make you feel good and give you confidence on a consistent basis.

Despite the fact, that certainty is good for you, and if you focus on certainty as a driving force in your life — You are on the wrong path. The path of certainty is a path of pain. Certainty can be a positive destruction but in the moment it works.

Negative examples:

Controlling Your environment – Some people get certainty by trying to control everything around them, so that they do not feel overwhelmed. You can never sustain certainty. People who love to be in control are simply trying to get their needs met in the only way they know how. The problem is that there will always be changes. The only constant is change and one cannot alter it on a sustainable basis.

Negative Labeling People is to understand the world around us and to simplify events that may not make sense and to avoid pain or fear. Labels are not always good and true but are there to avoid pain or fear and to provide certainty in one’s mind. For example, one may label Muslims as all alike, White people as all racists, Gay people as all pedophiles . etc.

They also may label themselves, ” oh , that’s just me, ” I ‘m a loser”.

The medical field at times will provide certainty by labeling a patient , for example as  depressed.  Now that they have a label for what is happening. The person gets a diagnosis, person takes medication, person feels better, everyone’s happy.  But what caused the symptoms in the first place?  Can (or should) that be fixed?  When can (or should) treatment be stopped?  How can we prevent long-term harm from the medication? Is the label a positive thing or a negative thing, it depends.

Holding unto Rigid Dogma to justify an argument  or to justify their actions-“gays are sinful  ”

Relationships: Being and staying in an abusive relationship because you desire certainty or not being in a relationship at all  because you are afraid of the uncertainty of it all.

Established Routines are great but one may depend on a routine so much that everything out of the ordinary freaks them out and leaves them exhausted.

Holding onto a drug habit is better than not breaking a habit because the drugs provide certainty.

Watching porn on a regular basis instead of dating and developing a real sexual relationship because porn provides certainty.

Excessively Eating, Drinking and smoking may all bring comfort and certainty but also being lots of health problems down the road. For example, many people become addicted to food because it satisfies the need for certainty. They are certain that the food will be there and that it will satisfy an emotional feeling that they may need and they are certain that it will satisfy them.

Certainty will never provide sustainable happiness and fulfillment! There is no level of certainty that is enough.

Certainty should not be a driving source of happiness despite that 80% of North Americans consider it one of their top two needs.

It is a primal need.

Join me next time when I explain the second human need which is Uncertainty (variety) – the feeling that things are different and new. Uncertainty is also a primal need.